And Destiny is a Major Bitch
by Gabrhil
Summary: Sequel to Fate is Sometimes a Cranky Whore. Tomoko's view of reality is warped when she unleashes the Book of Pure Evil and her life goes from boring to bat-shit. Together with Kikuchiyo, she must battle demons, Satanists, and Canadians to prevent the apocalypse. The fate of the world is in their less-than-capable hands. Rated M for more reason than will fit into this tiny box.
1. Prelude to Madness

**If you are reading this then you have: **

**A: Read my previous story, ****_Fate is Sometimes a Cranky Whore_****, and you liked it enough to follow it here to the crossover section. Or...**

**B: You were browsing the crossover section and you decided too check this out. **

**To reader A, I thank you for sticking around this far. I must warn you though, that this story is not for one with weak stomachs and will contain a lot of blood, death, and gore and most of it will be played for laughs. But hopefully you are familiar with the other parent series, ****_Todd and the Book of Pure Evil_**** and you'll know what too expect. And speaking of which,**

**To reader B, if there's any real pre-requisite to reading this then it is being familiar with **_**Watashi ga Motenai no wa Dou Kangaete mo Omaera ga Warui!**_** I would recommend reading my other story to familiarize yourself with some of the OCs who will make their appearances in this as well as being familiar with ****_Todd and the Book of Pure Evil_****, but it is not entirely necessary. **

**And just to reiterate, the story you are about to read will contain references to drugs, sex, metal, will contain blood, gore, dark humor, mood-whiplash, and many events in the plot will border on crack. **

**Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated. Again, thank you and enjoy. **


	2. ACT I: The Book of Pure Evil

Kotomi walked into the club room to find Tomoki, as usual, sitting back in his chair reading, and Kikuchiyo and Tomoko, as not-so-usual, holding each other for comfort in a corner.

"Okay, I'll bite. What's up with them?" she asked Tomoki.

"You told them Sasquatch doesn't exist." he answered.

She pushed her glass back up the bridge of her nose and replied with a flat, "What."

"My life is a lie!" Kikuchiyo cried, "God is dead!"

"Stare too long into the abyss and it stares right back!" Tomoko sobbed.

"They've been hollering Nietzsche quotes all day. Apparently, belief in Big-Foot was the one thing keeping their sanity intact." Tomoki answered.

"You're kidding, right?" Kotomi snarkly replied, "After everything we've been through: fighting demonic spawns of teen angst, finding out about the an apocalyptic prophecy, dealing with the fucking Canadians, uncovering some kind of Satanic conspiracy, and learning who the Pure Evil One is. Out of everything, that's what breaks them?"

"I guess, given all that, the idea of an ape-man roaming the forests of North America was crazy enough to hold that last remaining thread of mental stability together."

"Huh." She was beginning to think she should have kept her mouth shut about Sasquatch. "Well, how about you, Tomoki? How have you been holding up since this whole thing started?"

Ever since he saw that accursed book and what it could do, Tomoki began to question everything he knew about life, the world around him, and beyond. If there is such an object like the Book of Pure Evil on this mortal plane, what other powers lie beyond this realm? What twisted being would forge such an artifact and leave it in the hands of such irresponsible creatures as human beings? Is there truly a purpose for each individual's existence, or are we all specks of dust in cosmic sand? These questions kept him up at night, slowly eating away at his mind and driving him mad. He summed it all up with, "I'm doing all right. You?"

Some time earlier...

Here we have a girl whose story didn't matter. A very lonely girl who's only wish was to have someone to be with her. One day, fate brought her together with a boy, just as lonely as she was. Though they were very different, they were also very alike and they soon became very close. Her relationship with the boy was unlike anything she could ever imagine.

"Okay, so I don't know how long this is going to go on," Tomoko said as she re-buttoned her shirt, "But as soon as this little fling of ours is over I'm going to kill you. I've thought about it a lot. Planned it out step by step."

"Take you from the back. Get you in a bow-and-arrow choke. Strangle you with your own collar. Toss your unconscious body into the river and let the water do the rest. Makes it look like you drowned in an accident. No fingerprints, understandable struggle, and that's assuming they even find your body." Kikuchiyo explained while adjusting his tie.

She stared at him for a bit. "So uh...You have too, eh?"

"One of four and counting."

"Huh...Mine involves more stabbing. And decapitation"

"You're just going to copy something you saw in an anime, aren't you?"

"No!...Maybe...I don't know! It was a dating sim first!" Unlike anything she could ever imagine. She never thought she would meet anyone like him, let alone be with anyone like him. That isn't meant to be interpreted positively. But fate brought them together, and fate is sometimes a cranky whore.

In the alley between the school buildings, at the spot they first met, they spent their lunch hour together.

"You know, if I had just a few more friends in this damn school, I wouldn't be hanging out with you." She told him.

"And here we go again, 'woe is me, I'm so unpopular!'"

"Fuck off, you barbarian."

"You brought it up!" A sly grin then crept across his face. "But you know...there are ways you can fix that problem."

"Like?" She said flatly to hide her interest.

"Well, you can do it the normal way, some therapy with a professional counsellor. Which can take months, maybe even years to complete before your ready to interact with people. Or you can do it the easy way."

"Easy way?" she raised an eyebrow. Her curiosity picked up.

"It's just something anyone who listens to metal knows about. It's called the Book of Pure Evil."

"The Book of Pure Evil?" she replied flatly. She was not amused.

"Oh yes, legend has it, it was stitched together with the foreskin of Judas."

"Foreskin of Judas?"

"Will you quit repeating everything I say!? Damn."

"Everything you say?" she replied with a giggle.

He sighed and continued. "The Book will make your deepest darkest dreams come true with the power of Satan."

"Cool story, bro."

"Just think, Kuroki. Popularity, beauty, the uncontested admiration of your peers, a decent-sized rack..."

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Yes."

"Where would you even find something like that?"

"Well, where else would you find a book?"

Tomoko gave him a glare before getting up. "I just remembered, I have this light-novel due back at the library today." She said and walked off.

She started walking casually and after a few steps she darted off. Kikuchiyo watched as she rushed down the alley. He began to snicker and it progressed into maniacal laughter. Before she was out of view, he shouted, "And while you're at it, can you bring me back the Crest on Birdman's Helmet?" before bursting into another fit of mad cackling.

* * *

"Hey..." Tomoko cursed herself for forgetting this girl's name. "Buddy, pal, friend to the end..."

"No." Replied the librarian, Kotomi Komiyama.

"But you didn't even-"

"Because A: I hate you. And B: it's probably going to be something stupid."

Tomoko's eye twitched a little. She started to remember why she didn't like her. "I'm looking for a book." She said with her teeth clenched.

"I see. Not a lot of people come to the library to find books." She replied with snark.

"A Book of Pure Evil."

She could only respond with a stunned silence. What the hell was this idiot going on about? "Excuse me?"

"I'm looking for The Book of Pure Evil. Bound by the foreskin of Judas? Grants wishes? Satanic power?"

"Are you on drugs, Kuroki?" Kotomi didn't know whether to laugh in her face or just kick her out. Instead she decided to humor her. "Even if such a book existed, what makes you think it would be in a school library in Japan? Or better yet, why would it be in this school's library?"

"But Kurosawa...He told me I about it...then something about the Crest on Birdman's helmet...and god fucking damn it, how did I fall for that?" With the way she put it, there was only a snowball's chance in Hell that it was here. That was, if it even exist. And the chances of that were even lower. How did she fall for this shit!?

Kotomi gave her rival a smirk and said, "If you want an evil book though, you can always check the math section."

Tomoko slunk away defeated. It wasn't so much she embarrassed herself in front of a very bitter rival, but that she let that idiot stoner fool her like this. In hindsight, she really should have thought things through starting with how stupid the Book of Pure Evil sounded. No sane person would buy that crap, but she had this odd feeling when she heard first about it. The same feeling that compelled her to skulk among the bookshelves. It was as if something was calling out to her, beckoning. She heard an odd noise, like electric cackling. She took a few steps back and looked to the shelf on her left. The cackling sound went off again. It came from a book that burned an eerie orange color. When the light faded, she slowly grabbed it with shaking hands.

A sudden slamming noise on her desk startled her. Kotomi looked up from her book to find Kuroki with a sinister gaze fixed on her, and on her desk was a strange-looking book. Tomoko picked it up off the desk and replaced her glare with a rather satisfied, if not psychotic looking grin. She shoved her middle finger in Kotomi's face and slowly exited the library. She did not turn her back until she completely left the room. And after leaving, she popped back in just to flip her an extra bird for good measure.

Kikuchiyo was still laughing over the prank he pulled on Tomoko. He couldn't believe she actually fell for that Book of Pure Evil horseshit. The success of his joke left him in the best mood he's been in since he met that little harpy.

"Kurosawa, I got it!" she cried running to him. And then his mood soured.

He took his ear buds out and peeked out to see what she was going on about. "What-The fuck is that?!" he screamed after getting a look at what she triumphantly held over her head. It was a large book that seemed bound in a strange leather. Because of her height, he could make out the cover which had a pentagram carved into it with what looked like a mummified hand throwing the horns embedded in it. The creepiest part was that an evil red light that traced the pentagram when he looked at it.

She stopped right in front of him. She lowered her arms and looked at him with an excited grin. "I got it..." she repeated panting. "Book of Pure Evil...Crestonbirdmanshelmet..."

He needed a moment to process what she just said to him and what he was looking at. His mouth was wide open and his stare was fixed on the book. There was no way in Hell this thing is what he thought it was.

"Is that the Book of Pure Evil?" he fearfully asked. She didn't verbally respond, but rather nodded her head in a thrashing manner frantically panting. "The Book of Pure Evil is real?" She nodded again. "What the hell!? I was fucking with you! I didn't think you'd actually find it! I didn't even think it existed!"

"Oh yeah? Well suck my dick!" she yelled shoving the book in his face. "Because it does and I did! Oh, and just thinking about what I can do with this thing is making me so wet. With this I can have it all! Popularity, beauty, uncontested admiration of my peers, a decent sized rack, the crest on Birdman's helmet-"

"Dibs."

"Excuse me?"

"I call dibs on first wish."

"Fuck that, I found it first."

"Yeah, but you didn't call dibs. I did. Dibs. See?"

"You didn't even think it was real!"

"I still knew about it, though! You wouldn't have found it if it weren't for me!"

"Finder's keeper's, dickhead!"

"You're thinking way too small anyway! That power's wasted on you."

"And what are you gonna wish for, if you don't mind me asking?"

Kikuchiyo went silent. He couldn't find the words to describe what he'd use the Book of Pure Evil for. He just knew it involved him standing on a mountain of his fallen enemies holding a fiery battle-axe surrounded by porn stars, and an army of cyborg dinosaurs carrying ninjas lining up for the slaughter as Manowar played in the background. He spaced out thinking about it. "By divine right, hail and kill..."

"Yeah, whatever." She said. "You still ain't getting' the book!" Taking that as a challenge, Kikuchiyo snatched it away from her. "Hey!"

He hovered the Book just above her head and played Keep-Away. Every time she reached, he would pull it just out of her reach. "C'mon, get it."

"Motherfucker, gimme the Book!" she cried as she continued to leap for it.

"Oh, so close."

"You having fun?"

"Yes, yes I am."

"Well you want to know something?"

"What?"

"I play dirty!" Tomoko kicked him as hard as she could in the groin.

"Aw, goddamnit, my jewels!" He cried in pain and groaned as he slowly fell to his knees with his hands covering his aching crotch. This of course, forced him to let got of the Book, which she caught as it fell on her.

"That...was...cheap." He grunted painfully.

"Renegade for life, bitch." She replied flipping him off.

"Embrace..." A voice said. It's baritone echoed through the alleyway.

"The fuck was that?" Tomoko wondered.

"Come to me and embrace your destiny..."

"Wow, that was.. ominous." she said aloud as she jerked her head around trying to find where the voice was coming from. "You heard that too, right?" Kikuchiyo's response was an unintelligible groan. "Oh, come on you big baby. It can't hurt that bad."

Kikuchiyo staggered to his feet and then let off a kick of his own to Tomoko's crotch. Her reaction to the strike was the same as his. "Aw, goddamnit my snatch!" The alley echoed with moans of agony.

It was William Shakespeare who said, "All the world's a stage and all the men and women are merely players. They all have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time will play many parts." Enter Tomoko Kuroki stage left. Her role was determined the moment she touched that book, and how she played it would decide the fate of humanity.


	3. Bear Witness Unto

"This isn't a big deal." Tomoko said with a deep breath. "Just a book. An evil fucking book. An evil fucking book that grants wishes."

"Okay, three questions. One: why are you in my room?" her brother, Tomoki, asked.

She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and explained, "You, my dearest baby brother, are here to witness the birth of a new world order. A world where I am no longer an unpopular social outcast."

"That answers my follow-up question. Three:..."

Kikuchiyo walked in the room eating out of a cup of ramen.

"What is he doing here?"

"Just so you know, this was the last cup ramen you guys had."

"Amazing. You two have been dating for a week, and already he's stealing our food."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. No one is dating anyone here, kid." Kikuchiyo retorted as he took a seat on the floor with the Kuroki siblings.

"Well something must have happened between you two, because you've been inseparable since-"

"Nothing. Fucking. Happened. In the shed!" Tomoko and Kikuchiyo said together.

"And he's here because I need a guinea-pig." she added.

"And my brother's place is going through some uh...renovations."

"You know," Tomoki said to his sister, "This is probably gonna go as well as the time you used that Ouija board."

"What happened with that?"

"Nothing." Tomoko defensively answered.

"Literally nothing. She just sat there for thirty minutes waiting for the pointer to move after she asked if she'd find true love."

"Fifteen!" she snapped back, as it made any difference. "Alright. Kurosawa, you first."

Kikuchiyo put down the noodle cup and rubbed his hands together. "Oh, this gonna be good. Forbidden evil." he said with a laugh. He reached his hands out to pick the Book up. It seemed to respond with a low snarling sound. "Uh...On second thought, maybe you should do it, Tomoko. After all, you found it."

"Oh-ho, and what happened to dibs?"

"Do you not hear this thing growling at me!?"

"Okay fine."

The three of them sat still in awkward silence.

"Well?" Kikuchiyo asked.

"Well...I-I'm...I'm thinking. How do we even use this thing-"

Her question was answered when the Book glowed and opened on its own.

"Uh...Okay...Um...You know, it would be selfish to keep this power to myself. Tomoki?"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, go on little Kuroki. Try it out." dared Kikuchiyo.

"Use the book to make a wish." She clasped her hands together and gave him a puppy dog pout. "Do it for me, please baby brother?"

His eye twitched, but Tomoki complied with his sister's request. He took the book in his hands and read the Latin words that sprawled across the pages, "Manducare recens."

An eerie light shone from the book, and from it his wish materialized. Tomoko and Kikuchiyo gazed in both awe and disappointment.

"A sandwich?" Tomoko asked.

"You have the power of the underworld in your hands, and you wish for a sandwich?" Kikuchiyo complained.

"Well, yeah. It's the Book of _Pure Evil. _I wanted to see how bad this thing would go." Tomoki answered taking the sandwich.

"By wishing for a sandwich?"

"Well maybe I'm a little hungry. And maybe an uninvited guest took the instant ramen I was going to eat tonight!"

The Kuroki siblings looked over to Kikuchiyo. "What the hell are you staring at?" he asked.

"Plus, free sandwich. What's the worst that can happen?"

"Poison, explosion," Kikuchiyo said, "shit taste, sends you into a hellish stick-figure dimension."

"Right..." Given these options, Tomoki slowly lowered the sandwich. Before he let go, it grew teeth from its crust, sprang to life, and leaped at his face. The monster sandwich threw him on his back, and with all his strength he held away as it ravenously snapped at him. Tomoko and Kikuchiyo rushed to his aide. Kikuchiyo helped him try prying the evil hoagie away while Tomoko bludgeoned it with the Book until the it went limp. Before the tension unwound, the sandwich opened its "mouth" one last time and spit a liter of blood on Tomoki's face before it finally died. For a while there was a still silence broken by Kikuchiyo, who took a bite out of the other end.

"You know, aside from it trying to eat you, this is a damn good sandwich."

"Get out. Both of you." Tomoki grabbed his sister, still holding the Book, by the back of her shirt and dragged her out. "Get out of here with your evil books..." He pushed Kikuchiyo out and shoved the sandwich into his chest, "And your demonic sandwiches." Then slammed the door on them.

"Do you think he's mad?" Tomoko asked.

"I think he's entitled to some emotional distress after that."

"Rhetorical question, ass. Well, it is getting late, and I think you should go."

"You're kicking me out?"

"Yeah." she answered walking into her room.

"I don't have any cab fare."

"Ask my brother." she told him as she slammed the door in his face. She opened the door again. "And gimmie that damn sandwich!" Then slammed it again.

* * *

"Hey, man. Thanks for letting me bunk last night." Kikuchiyo said as he put his things in his locker.

"If by bunk you mean telling my mom not to call the cops after raiding our fridge and refusing to leave," Tomoki replied, "then you're very welcome."

"So, why'd I have to come with you again?"

"Because mom would have killed you if she knew you were with my sister."

"You know, your sister being her, you would think your mom would be happy she had someone over."

"You would think so. But you being you...well..."

"I'm getting this vibe from you that you don't like me very much."

"That's odd," Tomoki replied sarcastically, "I wonder why."

"And I thought we were getting along so-Whoa, my dick just moved!" Kikuchiyo exclaimed when he looked out the front door, "Who the hell is that!?"

Tomoki looked at where he was pointing. Their jaws dropped when they saw her making her way to the school entrance as did every other boy's she passed. She was not too tall, but was of a decent height that kept her large breasts in proportion with the rest of her body. Her silky black hair flowed down past to her wide hips that swiveled with each step. Her confident smile helped her radiate with feminine aura. She was the most beautiful girl they had ever seen. However, as she came closer, Tomoki thought there was something familiar about that face. He noticed that her green eyes were rather big and had an oddly gloomy look about them.

"Hey Kurosawa, does she look familiar to you at all?"

"Trust me, dude. I would remember a body like that-"

"Her face, idiot. Just imagine dark circles under those eyes. Maybe if her hair was a little messier."

Kikuchiyo took a minute to visualize. "No." he said quietly as this goddess quickly turned into a monster in his eyes. "God damn it, what is with your family killing my buzz!?"

They approached her with furious disappointment. "Oh no, you didn't." Tomoki said.

"Oh yes, I did." Tomoko replied cheerfully. Even her voice was exponentially more pleasant. "Beauty, popularity, the uncontested admiration of my peers, and a decent-sized rack. Much better than a sandwich." To any other man, it would ring like silver bells in a gentle Autumn breeze.

"God, I can't imagine how using the Book to make you hot could go horribly wrong." Kikuchiyo quipped. "It only made a sandwich that tried to eat your brother's face off."

"Please, let's not bring that up." Tomoki asked with a shudder.

"You know what? I don't have to take this crap from you." She handed Kikuchiyo the Book, "Here, I won't be needing this any more." Then she gently pushed him away. Gentle relative to her, as it sent him flying into the wall.

"Aw goddamnit! My torso! I need my torso!"

"Oh, and I think I should mention that I can now bench press a semi-truck."

"Jesus fuck, are you okay?" Tomoki asked Kikuchiyo.

"I think my heart literally stopped beating." he complained.

"See you in class Kurosawa. See you at home Tomoki."

* * *

Tomoko enjoyed the attention her new appearance garnered, and her shy nature just made her more appealing to the opposite sex. This left Kikuchiyo alone during his free period at the usual spot.

"Stupid sexy Tomoko and her perfect breasts, and her sweet ass, and her pretty hair, and that lovely voice. You know what? I'm fine with this. I've got the spot all to myself without that little harpy bugging me. Alone at last. Perfect chance to listen to that new Huntress album. Which...I didn't rip because I didn't go home last night. Fuck! Wonder how she's doing."

* * *

Tomoko rushed into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. Her arms trembled as she held the sides of the sink, which broke under the pressure of her grip. She was short of breath and sweating bullets. If she thought about what just happened any more she would probably puke her guts out.

"Oh, this is a fine mess you've gotten us into this time." a voice said.

She looked up at the mirror to see her reflection giving her a sinister glare and a wicked smirk.

"Hello me, meet the real me. Boy, you've done some stupid shit in the past but this."

"I didn't ask for _that_!" she cried back at the mirror.

"Just a minor side-effect of misusing this little blessing of yours."

"Minor!? Upset stomach is a minor side-effect. _But that_!"

"You knew there would be consequences to using the Book of Pure Evil. But perhaps it can reverse this."

"The Book... That's it, the Book can fix this! The Book I left with...Kurosawa...Fuck, I've got to find Kurosawa!" With this revelation, she rushed out of the restroom. Her image in the mirror watched her run out and its grin widened into a malicious smile and its eyes glowed a hellish red.

* * *

"I mean just one day without her bugging me shouldn't be bother me, right?" Kikuchiyo wondered aloud as he made his way back to class. "I mean it's not like I'm used to her company, or that I miss her following me like some kind dog. Not that I don't like dogs, hell I love dogs. Fucking hell, why am I talking to myself?"

Tomoko approached him from behind hunched over with her hands clasped sheepishly. "Hey, Kikuchiyo. Buddy, pal, friend to the end..."

He groaned when he recognized that angelic voice trying to sound so innocent. She only used his first name when she needed something from him. "What do you want, you fucking succubus?"

"It's funny you should say that." Tomoko laughed sheepishly clasping her hands together "Because I think the Book turned me into an actual succubus."

"Let's see; perfect body, super-human strength, the fact you were practically a blood-sucking vampire to begin with. Actually makes way too much sense. But what makes you think 'succubus?'"

"I uh...I got a little...confident when talking to this one guy...and uh...Remember that one day in the shed?"

"I try not to."

"Well, we were...and um...and then..." Before she could figure out the right words to explain, she pulled him behind the nearest corner and hid behind him. He looked out to see a zombie-like creature, pale skin clinging to the bone with a face trapped in a horrified expression, dressed in a student's uniform staggering out of the nurse's office.

"Then that happened." Tomoko explained.

"That was a girl." Kikuchiyo replied, "Or it used to be."

"I was curious!" she snapped back, "I wanted to see if it still happened with the same sex. It does."

"God, that's awful."

"I know." She sobbed. "I've become a monster!"

"No, I mean I can't believe you got it on with a chick and didn't even invite me to watch. I thought we were friends, Tomoko!"

She grabbed him by the lapel and lifted him up. "I swear to God, Satan, Odin, some lonely college dude writing a really bad fanfic, or whoever the fuck is in charge," she screamed slamming him into the wall, "if you don't help me out with this I will literally fuck you to death!"

He took a minute to think about that threat. The Book did fix everything wrong with her, superficially speaking anyway. And there were worst ways to die than getting fucked to death by a succubus. Granted, there were more badass ways. But statistically speaking he was more likely to get hit by a bus than go out on a berserk axe rampage against zombies. Then again she was still the same Tomoko Kuroki, and he still hated that. But then again he would be getting fucked to death, so there would be no guilt afterwards. "I'm alright with that." he decided.

She shuddered with rage. Her first impulse was to rip his arms off, but then she had a thought that made her smirk. "Okay, fine. Have it you're way. But just so you know, when the Book gave me the strength to smash a brick with just my pinkie, it gave that boost to every muscle in my body."

"Okay, cool?" He replied not knowing where she was going with this.

"EVERY muscle in my body."

* * *

**AN: And from this point on things are gonna get really weird, if they haven't already. **


	4. I Want to Fuck You to Death

**Warning: Chapter may contain mild Lime. Or something. Hell, I don't know the terms. It's not explicit, but possibly badly written. Gimmie a break, it's my first time writing something like that.**

* * *

"So three questions. One: why am I being tied up? " Tomoko asked. Her binds went around her breasts making them pop out between the ropes. "I mean, you know that I can break out of these just by stretching, right?"

"Well maybe," Kikuchiyo explained, "I have a thing for tit-bondage, and chances are I will never be as attracted to you as I am now, so just let me have this Kuroki!"

"Well, that answers my follow-up question. Three: Tomoki, what are you doing here? Don't you have practice or something?"

"I asked for an off-day due to a family emergency." her brother answered. " It's also off-season, so coach isn't as serious."

"Alright, first thing's first." Kikuchiyo said pointing a his phone at Tomoko. "How do I take a picture with this thing?"

"There should be a little button with a camera sign on it." Tomoki replied.

"Yeah, I get that part, but what do I do after that?"

"You frame what you want to catch, and hit it again." Tomoko answered, "How do you not know how to use a camera phone?"

"Because I don't need to use the damn thing a lot, Tomoko!" Kikuchiyo retorted, "I don't have any friends, so I don't have much use for it." He snapped a picture of Tomoko in bondage. "Could you look more distressed or imperiled?"

"Yeah, sure. How's this for distressed?" She brought her arm around and flipped him the bird, breaking her bondage in the process. "Oh, whoops. Looks like I broke your rope. Darn."

"Whatever," he sighed as he put the phone up, "I can still jerk off to that first one."

"You're depraved." Tomoko sneered.

"Thank you Pot, I'll meditate on that and reflect on how you fucked the life out of a couple of random strangers. Now, any ideas?"

"I heard somewhere that to break a succubus' spell, you must sing her song in reverse." Tomoki explained.

"Where the hell did you hear that?" Tomoko asked.

"A...foreign...animated...program."

"Kuroki, you watch South Park don't you?" Kikuchiyo laughed.

"No comment."

"Okay, fair enough. Tomoko, sing your song, we'll record it, play it backwards, and maybe you'll go back to your short, creepy, feeble self."

"I have a song?"

"Yeah you know, the song you sing to seduce men?"

"Dude." she scoffed as she tore her shirt open, "Look at these ample fun-bags and tell me I need anything else to seduce anyone."

"I...I don't know how to feel about this." Tomoki thought aloud.

"Yeah so, uh...I guess you don't have a so—Oh god!"

Tomoko pinched Kikuchiyo's hand when she noticed it got a bit too close to her shapely hooters. "Look, don't touch." It is also worth noting that with her new strength, Tomoko could crush a rock between her fingers like a dirt-clod. He dropped to his knees holding his throbbing hand.

"Look, all I need is the Book. I was told that the Book of Pure Evil could reverse what it did to me."

"And who told you that?" Kikuchiyo asked raising an eyebrow.

"I did...In the mirror...That was talking to me...I know it sounds crazy, but I was turned into a fucking succubus by a book made of foreskin! This whole fucking thing is crazy!"

Kikuchiyo stood up shaking his hand. "Right then. Hey, little Kuroki," he said to Tomoki.

"Could you not call me that?"

"I'll think about it. I need you to do me a favor. Go to my locker and get the Book of Pure Evil for me. Tomoko, you stay here."

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" she asked as he walked out the door.

"I have some uh... contacts to address."

"I thought you said you didn't have any friends." Tomoki replied.

"Who says they're my friends?"

* * *

Their names were Brody, Eddie and Rob, not that anyone ever bothered to ask. They stood around their car, parked right outside of the school, smoking pot. Brody spotted Kikuchiyo coming from the school.

"Well, look who's back." he said to his group.

"Hey, I gotta question about that Book of Pure Evil you guys told me about."

"Oh hey, you find it?"

"Yeah, sort of. So let's say someone used the Book to uh...modify themselves."

"Oh well you better know the consequences, little dude."

"The Book of Pure Evil leaves behind a trail of destruction, carnage, and death." Rob added.

"Wait, what?"

"Should've expected it from something called the Book of _Pure Evil_, loser." Eddie replied.

"Well, what do I do?"

"What you do is, you control that Book." Rob explained.

"You control that Book, or that Book will control you." Brody said.

"Just like German Herpes." Eddie added.

"I'm not getting anything else out of you guys, am I?" Kikuchiyo asked with a sigh. Frustrated, he ran back into the school.

"He'll be back." Brody said to his crew, "Just like German Herpes!"

* * *

Tomoko appeared to be looking out the glass as she sat next to the window-sill. It wasn't the outside she was looking at though, but her reflection.

"They don't care about you." it said to her. The voice she heard was more distorted and guttural.

"They don't care about me." Tomoko repeated aloud.

"Why else would they leave you here alone? All those times you asked your brother for help, how many times has he pushed you away? And that Kurosawa, what has he ever done for you? That stupid skid just wants the Book to himself. Eliminate him! Eliminate them both!"

"N-no. I...I can't."

"Okay, fine. Screw them, and then eliminate them."

"Wait, what? No!"

"Eliminate them and then screw them."

"That's...how...why?"

"Just get the Book back! Do whatever it takes."

"Whatever it takes." Tomoko said. Her eyes began to glow like hellfire.

* * *

Tomoki could understand why Kikuchiyo was so cautious with the Book last night. Every time his hands got near it the damn thing growled at him, and considering that it manifested a sandwich that tried to eat him he had every reason to be nervous.

"Okay, Kuroki." Tomoki muttered to himself, "Just a book. An evil fucking book. An evil fucking book that's growling at you. Okay, one two three!" With a sharp breath, he quickly yanked the Book out of the locker. He looked at the cover and watched the fiery glow trace the pentagram. This thing was creepy as shit, and it was still growling at him. Why would anyone ever use something like this!? Why would anyone even touch it!?

"Yo, little Kuroki." Kikuchiyo said as he re-entered the building.

"How long are you gonna keep calling me that?"

"Well how long's it take to grab a fucking book?"

"This fucking thing is growling at me!" Tomoki snapped back holding the Book up.

"Well now you know how I felt last night!" Kikuchiyo quipped as he took it from him. Once again, the Book glowed and growled in his hands. "Fucking hell, this thing is creepy. Can't believe we were actually messing with this thing yesterday."

"Are you done talking?" Tomoki asked irately. "What about your contacts? What did they say?"

"Oh yeah. Those assholes weren't much help. They just said, control the Book or it'll control you. Then made a reference to German Herpes. I have no idea what any of it was supposed to mean."

"Well, maybe we'll figure it out when we get back. She's gotta be bored as hell by now."

They were both quiet on their way back to the room. There was no awkward tension but rather a more comfortable silence, especially for Tomoki. Given what he heard about Kikuchiyo Kurosawa, he never expected him to be so talkative. He considered the possibility that the upperclassman had developed a fondness towards him that allowed him to open up more. 'Dear God, I hope not.' he thought.

"Hey." Kikuchiyo finally said as they neared the room.

"Yeah?"

He reached into his pocket and handed Tomoki a lighter. "Take it."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just think you're gonna need this. Call it a gut feeling. Since I was a kid I've always had a strong intuition, and last time I didn't listen to my gut, well, you know about the accident right?"

"Yeah, I heard. You know I got something like that too. It's called 'common sense.'"

"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. You're funny, Kuroki."

"I'm just saying, most people know not to get high around a freaking table-saw."

"Yeah? Well most people can kiss my ass."

They opened the door to the room. Tomoko leaned against the wall. Her shirt was un-buttoned to show cleavage and her skirt well, she wasn't wearing it.

"Welcome back." she flirtatiously greeted. "I was getting kind of lonely."

"I don't know how to feel about this." Kikuchiyo thought aloud.

"Do you have the Book?" she asked as she approached them on all fours.

Kikuchiyo held it up and tapped it with his fist.

"Great. You know, you should let me hold on to it." Her eyes glowed a fierce red.

"Uh, let's put a cork in that until we figure out what to do first."

"Let me re-phrase that." Her voice became more distorted and guttural, and her eyes burned more intensely. "Give me that fucking book!"

"Okay, gut feeling's kickin' in. Run! Run like hell!"

The boys bolted down the corridor. The succubus ran after them on all fours. Kikuchiyo looked back and saw that Tomoko was catching up really fast while Tomoki was way ahead of him.

"Kuroki, go long!" He threw the Book at Tomoki. He turned around and tried to catch it, but tripped and fell back as it fumbled in his hands.

"What the hell, man!?" Kikuchiyo cried, "I thought you played Football!"

"Not that kind of Football, you stupid skid!"

Before he could snap back, Tomoko jumped Kikuchiyo and him pinned down. Her strength made it impossible for him to resist. Not that he wanted to once she started grind her hips against his. She slowly unbuttoned his shirt with her teeth and brought her tongue from his naval up to his neck. Then she rested her bust on his face and let out a deep moan. Sensing his arousal, she sat up and rubbed her breast with one hand and slid her other down licking her lips seductively at him.

Tomoki scrambled to his feet and ran for the Book. He drew the lighter and frantically tried to spark it. Tomoko saw what he was trying to do.

"Tomoki, don't!" she cried, "Join me, and you can have everything you ever dreamed of!"

"Kuroki, don't!" Kikuchiyo cried, "Not yet, anyway! I kinda want to see where this is going!"

The succubus opened her mouth and a small set of jaws shot out from her throat. Kikuchiyo immediately framed his arms against her neck to keep the second mouth away from his face. "Burn it now," he screamed, "burn it now! If it's a choice between regular or extra crispy, I want that book extra crispy!"

Tomoki finally got a light and set the Book ablaze. Once the Book caught fire, succubus Tomoko sat up howling in pain as it went up in flames. She changed back to her original self and passed out on top of Kikuchiyo. With a relieved sigh, the headbanger relaxed and laid flat.

When Tomoko came to, she felt something between her legs. Her vision cleared and she went completely red once she saw who she was laying on. She stammered and began to shake when he looked up at her. "What? The hell are you even doing?" he asked before bumping her off with his hip. "Get the fuck off me."

"W-w-what ha...happened?" Tomoko asked still flushed lying on her back.

"In a nutshell," Kikuchiyo answered, "you went berserk and tried to fuck us to death. I almost let it happen, but then you had that creepy-ass alien mouth goin' on. Huge turn-off."

"Are...are you two okay?"

"I'm fine." He felt his crotch area to make sure everything was still there. "And my Johnny seems okay. Yeah, we're both alright."

"I meant my brother, you ass!"

Tomoki leaned against the wall and heavily exhaled. He watched the embers rise and knew it was finally over. Kikuchiyo helped Tomoko walk over to the flames and the three of them watched the Book of Pure Evil burn. He grabbed a hand from both of the Kuroki siblings and began singing, "Your time will come. Your time will co-o-ome. No? Neither of you know that song? Okay."

Suddenly, the Book rose from the flames. It opened itself up and flew away like a bird while screaming like a wounded animal. The Kurokis watched it fly off completely dumbfounded. Kikuchiyo on the other hand...

"Well, not our problem anymore."

"What!?" Tomoki cried. "That thing just rose from the flames and flew off!"

"Not my problem." Kikuchiyo answered. "Now if you'll excuse me Kuroki clan, it is 5:20 and I am an hour late for an appointment."

"What appointment!?"

"420. Blaze it."

Tomoki stammered trying to make an intelligible argument, "The Book!...Flew off...Pure Evil!" He had a logical response, but too many feelings mixed together at once to put it into human speech.

"420 blaze it, fehgit!"

* * *

Aside from a few rumors of a succubus in the school along with the report of two missing students, the next day went by just like every other. Tomoko joined Kikuchiyo at the usual spot, now that her fifteen minutes of fame were over.

"And so I fade into obscurity yet again." she lamented.

"And nobody seems to notice your literal overnight transformation from a creepy little shit to a sexy evil hooker, and back again?"

"I know, it's weird, right? I guess when the Book's spell broke, it kinda made everyone else conveniently forget about me."

"That's one way to cover your ass. So, what about those walking husks you made?"

"Well, it's not like they can say anything about it. And if, somehow with advances in medical science, they regain their ability to communicate they won't be able to recognize me anyhow. I mean I used a fake name and everything."

"Huh. You're kind of a sociopath, you know that?"

"Whatever, Kettle." She crossed her arms and looked away from him. "Thanks..for yesterday, by the way. I...I guess I owe you one."

"Well, you did threaten to chop my dick off with your demon vagina."

"I do miss my boobs, though."

"Me too."

"You think it's really over?"

"Who the hell knows? We watched the thing burn but if it does come back, whoop-die-fucking-do. It's not like there's some kind of conspiracy involving the damn thing that we're gonna find ourselves caught in the middle of."

* * *

"I understand what you're asking, ma'am," Ogino said to the principal, "I'm just not too clear on the why."

"The why doesn't matter." she answered, "Especially when these two particular students are victim to a very bad call on your behalf."

'Oh, crap!' the teacher thought, 'She knows about that!?' "Um...uh...What...what do you mean, ma'am?"

"Oh, don't play coy with me. Leaving two hormonally crazed teenagers in the equipment room unattended? Were you drunk when you made that decision?"

Ogino looked away shamefully. To be fair, she wasn't totally drunk. She wasn't totally sober, but she wasn't drunk either.

"It's not a difficult task, Ogino. Just keep a close eye on them. You already have one on that Kuroki girl, so put another on the Kurosawa runt. Just report anything strange to me. You know perhaps any abnormal behavior, bodily changes..." she coughed to mask, "a book bound in foreskin." "Are we clear on your assignment, Ms. Ogino?"

"Yes, ma'am?" she replied hesitantly.

"Dismissed." She watched the P.E. teacher leave her office. "Damn," she said aloud, "Kikuchiyo Kurosawa...If I knew the Book of Pure Evil was here...If I knew this was going to happen, I'd have expelled him when I first got the chance."

* * *

The metal dudes stood by their car like they always did. Brody took a puff of his joint and exhaled. "And so it begins."

"Are you sure he's the one?" Rob asked.

"Man, why are you always questioning me!? Just trust me on this."

* * *

"I mean what are the chances, right?" Kikuchiyo reassured.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Who would even come up with something so stupid?"

* * *

**Me. I would.**

**AN:**** I'm sorry you had to read that. I figured this thing is rated M for every other reason, monster of the week was a succubus, so why not? Again, it was a first try and it sounded a lot better in my head before I put words to them.**


	5. Fairies Wear Boots

On a rainy day, Tomoko and Kikuchiyo found each other in the room leading to the roof which, as usual, was closed off. Whether a force of habit, memory of how their last little turf war went, or perhaps a little bit of both they put up with each others company. Although, he did make it a bit difficult for her.

Kikuchiyo played his music through a mini-speaker. The sound of metal echoed all the way downstairs. Tomoko sat back and read a light novel. As much as it bothered her, she did find it amusing to see him make an ass of himself when he thrashed around.

"C'mon, is Zakk Wylde not the man?"

"I really wouldn't know."

"Just listen to that damn solo! It's weird how one of his best solos is like on one of the weakest albums."

"It does sound like he knows what he's doing."

Tomoko felt something pulling the back of her shirt and found herself being dragged away.

"What the—What is this!? Hey, help me! Help me you goddamn viking!"

Kikuchiyo watched his companion get dragged downstairs crying for help.

"Huh."

Once the screaming was out of earshot, he resumed headbanging.

* * *

"Alright, Kuroki. Start talking." Kotomi Komiyama had dragged her all the way into the girl's bathroom and into a stall where Tomoko believed she specifically picked because someone forgot to flush.

"Um...Okay...Uh...So the weather's been kinda shitty lately."

"No, smart-ass. Where's the book?"

"Excuse me?"

Kotomi let off an aggravated sigh before she elaborated, "You took a weird book from the library, flipped me off with this weird look on your face, and a couple of days later two students go missing after rumors of some horny demon start circulating. It's just a matter of putting two and two together. Now where's the book?"

"Trust me you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I didn't believe you when you first asked me about it. Now I'm asking you about it. So try me."

"It flew away. We tried to burn it and it flew off."

"Do you take me for an idiot?"

Tomoko stood up and looked her rival in the eye, "Okay Glasses. You don't like me, and I damn sure don't like you either. Remember that when I say, do not go looking for that book! It's called the Book of _Pure Evil_ for a reason! That thing will fuck you up! Wait a minute, why do you want to know so bad?"

For a moment, they stared each other down. They jumped when the silence was broken by a loud bang followed by a familiar male voice, "Hey Tomoko, if you're done scissoring in there, it's time to get back to class."

"What the shit!?" a startled Kotomi cried.

With a sigh, Tomoko answered, "That would be my..." She couldn't find the right word to describe her relationship with Kikuchiyo. She did however, find this to be the perfect opportunity to one-up this bitch. "...boyfriend." she said through her teeth.

"Your what now?" Kotomi asked.

"Yes, my...boyfriend. And we do pervy things all the time. We're...that close."

She was confused by Tomoko's response. She was always able to tell when she was lying, yet the way her face contorted not only made it difficult to call her bluff but also seemed like she was in physical pain.

Tomoko rushed out of the stall, to his side, and then clung to him.

"Y-yeah. My..." she coughed to suppress her gag reflex. "...darling boyfriend, Kikuchiyo." she said with a phony smile.

"Wait, what?"

"Just roll with it, shit rooster." she quietly said through her teeth. "Ha, remember when we did it for the first time in the sports shed?"

"I thought we agreed to never-" he was interrupted by foot to his heel.

"Roll with it!"

"Goddamnit, my ankle. Uh, yeah. My... immortal beloved...Tomoko." He shuddered as he spoke.

"Well, it's time for us to get to class. We'll see you later, Komi-...something." The "couple" walked out of bathroom arm-in-arm leaving Kotomi in the stall.

Once they were a good distance from the door, Tomoko fell to her knees and screamed, "Goddamnit, my arm! It burns so bad!"

"Could you be anymore melodramatic?"

"God, I gotta soak my arm in acid now!"

"Answers that question, I guess." For the hell of it, Kikuchiyo leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. She responded with an angry glare. "What, not gonna rush for the nearest sink and dunk your head?" he asked.

"There's a limit to how much one can over-react."

"Fair enough." he sighed. "Gotta go wash my lips now, though."

* * *

Kotomi was unable to focus in class that day. The only one she knew of who was more socially inept than her was Tomoko Kuroki. In fact, she always thought she was better than Tomoko. Yet somehow, not only did that little shithead lose her virginity first, she did it with a guy who was secondarily known for being reclusive and hostile. How someone like her could even form any kind of relationship with someone like him was baffling. How was that little shithead able to crack that nut while she was still left so desperately lonely?

After school, she went to the library to perform her duties. When she took her seat behind the check-out counter, there was a weird noise like an electric cackling. She looked under the counter and reached in. Her eyes went wide when she saw what she pulled out.

* * *

The rain from yesterday left the outside muddy. Tomoko and Kikuchiyo found themselves in the roof room again.

"Whaddya mean you've never seen The Seven Samurai?" Tomoko asked.

"I don't even know what that is!" Kikuchiyo retorted.

"What!? How!? How have you not even heard of that movie? It's easily one of the greatest films of its time!"

"You know I know you're an otaku, but I never took you for a film buff."

"There was an anime based on it, I think you might like it."

"Somehow I knew it was gonna go back to that. Hey, don't you have the whole school mapped out? Couldn't you find somewhere else to hang around without bugging me?"

"Couldn't you?"

Their arguments almost always ended in a stalemate. This one was no different. During the silence Tomoki appeared. They took notice and looked to him when he came up to them. He gave them an ice-cold glare.

"Sup, bro?" Tomoko asked after a minute of looking into her brother's basilisk stare.

"Where's the Book?" he replied.

" Dude," Kikuchiyo said, "we lit that shit on fire, remember?"

"We held hands and sung Kumbaya." she added.

"Well, we sang the Wicker Man."

"Semantics. Point is, we watched it burn."

"And then we watched it rise from the flames and fly away like a god damn phoenix." Tomoki reminded them. "Now where is it?"

"Well if we knew," his sister replied, "it probably wouldn't matter either way."

"Out of sight, out of mind. No longer our problem. Why do you want to know?"

With a sigh, he asked them to follow him. They shrugged and tailed him downstairs to a window. Tomoki walked into sunlight that shone through the glass and began to sparkle. Seriously, no shit, he literally sparkled like his skin was made of glitter. The light coming from his body, however, was not bright enough to hide his humiliated grimace. Tomoko and Kikuchiyo stood eyes wide open and mouths gaping before they clamped their lips shut. Their cheeks bulged the more they tried to hold in their snickering.

"Well on...on the upside..." Tomoko said trying to hold in her laughter.

"You can...You can wear boots now."

"If you die, we just have to chant that we believe in you."

"And...and you come back to life."

They couldn't hold back anymore and nearly fell over laughing.

"I hate both of you." Tomoki sneered. "And this is serious. This morning I woke up with a sudden weird fetish for quiet nerdy girls with short hair and glasses, all day I've had this strange craving for blood, and now this. If this is the Book's doing, which I'm sure it is, I might end up hurting someone."

Tomoko stopped laughing when she heard about her brother's symptoms.

"Whoa, whoawhoawhoa. Repeat that?"

"I crave blood. I think that's kind of a pro-"

"No, no. The part before that."

"I suddenly got a fetish for nerdy girls with glasses?"

She went quiet for a moment. "Stay with Tomoki, Kurosawa. I know who's got the Book."

As Tomoki watched his sister run off, Kikuchiyo asked him, "So... You wanna go get baked while listening to Power Metal?"

"How can you think about getting high at a time like this, Kurosawa?" he vexedly replied.

"Dude, you're glowing like the frickin' sun. How can you not think about getting high at a time like this?"

* * *

Kotomi flipped through the Book of Pure Evil in astonishment. When she first opened it, she read a Latin incantation that sprawled out on the empty pages. Now she was reading the Twilight trilogy out of it. She even tried flipping to the last page, and it still kept going. This was physically impossible, but then again the incantation she read just appeared on blank pages right before her eyes. She heard a familiar voice that sent a chill down her spine and a blaze through her blood. "Hey, buddy."

She looked up and saw Tomoko Kuroki; arms propped up on the counter-top with her chin resting on her hands. "What'cha got there?" Kotomi had to throw the book into the desk drawer. "Is that a uh...Wouldn't happen to be a Book of Pure Evil, now would it?" Tomoko asked.

"W-what? Of course not. I don't even know what you're talking about." Kotomi lied. It was obvious that she wasn't buying it, though.

"You used it, didn't you?"

"No! Maybe...I don't know!"

"Let me guess, you found the Book and you wished my brother had eyes for you with Twilight fresh in your mind, so you turned him into a sparkly vampire."

"What? That's ridiculous," Kotomi quipped nervously, "whatever would give you that idea?"

Tomoko eyed the paperback book lying on the desk with an anime-themed bookmark sticking out of its pages and gave her rival a cocky smirk.

"Okay, just so you know, it's a good read if you think of it less as a romance and more...of a euphemism for an abusive relationship."

"Where did you even find this fucking thing?"

"In here." she answered pointing under the counter, "Under the desk. I don't know how it got there, it just happened to be here yesterday. I came here to do my job, and then I heard this cackling noise. I looked under and found it."

"Well, how'd you know how to use it? I mean, it kinda took us awhile to figure that out."

Kotomi placed the Book on the counter and turned it to the very first page.

It read, "How to use the Book of Pure Evil.

One: think about your heart's deepest darkest desire.

Two: recite the incantation from the Book.

Three: survive."

"How the hell did I miss that?" Tomoko asked herself. "And that last bit doesn't bother you?"

"It sounded innocent enough." Kotomi answered. "Find love with a boy I like."

"You turned him into a fucking fairy with your little Twilight fantasies."

"Vampire."

"Semantics. Look, honestly, I don't care that you used the Book. How it screws you is your problem. But when you got my brother involved in this, it became my problem."

"It...it didn't really turn him into-...So you're telling me that by reading from this book, I turned Tomoki into a sparkling vampire. A vampire with super human strength, and a thirst for blood, and me and only me on his mind, and holy shit I just fucked myself big time." She spaced out for a second reflecting on her horrifying realization. "But I highly doubt-...I mean it's ridiculous."

"Look into my fucking eyes and tell me I'm shitting you!"

Kotomi always had a way of calling her out. Tomoko wasn't lying this time. As ridiculous as it sounded, she had to remember that there was a creepy tome on her desk that glowed and only seemed to have what it's holder wanted written in it.

She reached over the counter, grabbed the lapel of Tomoko's school jacket, and begged, "You've got to help me."

"Uh...I dunno." Tomoko answered rolling her eyes.

"Come on, we've been through a lot you and I. Blood of the covenant and all that jazz."

"Well...you have to do something for me."

"You little shithead-...Fine. What?"

"Tell me, who's the queen?" she asked with a sly face.

A vein popped and her grips tightened, but Kotomi swallowed her pride and answered, "You are."

"Who's the little peasant girl who doesn't know her place?"

"Me." she growled.

"Do a little dance."

With an exasperated sigh, Kotomi released Tomoko and awkwardly moved her hands and feet around. She noticed that some people were watching her. 'Worst day ever.' she thought.

Tomoko couldn't help but smile at her rival's humiliation. 'Best day ever.' she thought.

* * *

**AN: I have never read nor seen Twilight, but when a friend described it to me, it just sounded an awful lot like a possessive and abusive relationship. Is it fair to spoof a book/movie that I've never read/seen? Probably not. Is it original? 'Bout as fresh as stale bread. Could I have come up with something better? Sadly no. Again, just bear with me. Monster of the Week is a lot harder than it seems, and I've got a great bit for this.**


	6. Bloodletter

"I'm just not feeling it." Tomoki said with a cough.

"Just take a few more hits, dude." Kikuchiyo replied, "It'll get to you."

"I'm telling you, I'm not getting anything."

"That's because it's oregano." said an older man with a scraggly beard walking out onto the back porch of the yard.

"Damnit, Kanbei!"

"Hey, if he hasn't fallen for it now, then he isn't going to." he replied. "Shouldn't you kids be in school right now?"

"Medical emergency, Kanbei. Do you not see this guy sparkling?" Kikuchiyo answered."

"Whatever." he said as he walked back into his run down house."Help yourselves to the weed, just don't touch my beers, and don't get too fried, okay?"

* * *

'I sense a disturbance in the force.' Tomoko thought to herself as she looked out the window. 'I shouldn't have left him with that idiot.'

"Why are we in here?" Kotomi inquired. They were in an a clubroom that didn't seem to have any purpose other than storage.

"We're using this place as a safe-house until we get all this sorted out." She walked back to the table and across from Kotomi. The Book sat in the middle still and silent. Its normalcy made it all the more eerie.

"So, you've used this before, right?" Kotomi asked. "How did you fix whatever happened?"

"Well the first time we used it, it made this monster sandwich that we had to beat to death."

"...What."

"The next time uh...Due to...circumstances, we burnt it."

"So how is it-"

"It flew off. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"So how do we fix this whole..."

"Uh-uh," Tomoko shrugged, "I mean we can try burning it again, but it'll probably just come back."

"So, you took me away from my library duties, possibly my next class, and you have no idea what you're doing?"

"Hey, you begged me to help you out with this."

"I thought you'd know what to do; I didn't think you survived out of sheer dumb luck! Oh, who the hell am I kidding, of course you just got lucky. You're too stupid to get through otherwise."

"I take offense to that!"

"I know you take offense to that, that's why I said it!"

"I'm getting really tired of your shit, Komiyoko!"

"My name is Komiyama!"

* * *

"I mean, sparkling skin aside, think of the athletic edge you've got now." Kikuchiyo said to Tomoki. He took another hit from the bong. "I mean, you gave me a fucking piggy-back ride here and it took, what, maybe five or six minutes?"

"I really wish I could say you ask for weirder favors than my sister does. I really do. But the whole super-human athleticism isn't something I'm too proud of. If I used it in competition then it puts all the time and hard work I've spent training for the game to waste. I'd be disrespecting not only my opponents, but also my teammates who've all worked so hard to prepare for it."

There was a sense of nobility in those words that struck a chord in Kikuchiyo. He was inspired to ask, "Are you sure you're related to Tomoko?"

"Sometimes I wonder, Kurosawa. Sometimes I wonder."

Kikuchiyo held the bong out to Tomoki. "Toke?"

"No thanks."

He took another hit. "God, this stuff is weak. I'm just not feelin' anything."

"I think it's because you're smoking oregano."

"...Fuck!"

* * *

"So, what's your deal with Kikuchiyo Kurosawa anyway?"

"Uh wha-...I told you, he's my...uh..."

"Kuroki, I can tell by the way you just hurt when you call him 'boyfriend' that there's something dysfunctional about your relationship with him."

Just hearing him referred as her boyfriend made her wince.

"Well, I guess you are the type to fall for the bad boy."

"Bad boy? Him? Ha, Kikuchiyo Kurosawa is a lot of things. He may be a jerk, a liar, a thief, a stoner, a pig, a moron, a slacker, a meat-head, a vandal, a pessimist, and I think he might be psychotic. But he's no delinquent."

"We're talking about a drug-dealer who got high and chopped off a classmate's arm with a table-saw. "

"That was an accident. He didn't do it because he's bad, he did it because he's stupid. And as for the drugs, he was framed by his brother Kyuzo."

"Kyuzo Kurosawa? The star of the Kendo club with perfect grades framed his own brother, who is a known slacker, loner, and deviant, for selling drugs?"

"Well, yeah. That's what he told me."

"And you believe that soap-opera bullshit?"

"Uh...well... I just know, okay? He's full of shit, but out of everything I just know he's honest about that."

* * *

Any other person would have been horrified by the way Tomoki ripped the head off that pigeon and chugged its fluids. He even crushed the remains like an soda can. However Kikuchiyo, though disturbed, was rather amused by the act.

"Holy damn that was cool." he said to his companion, "Like some fuckin' Sabbath shit. Do it again, do it again."

"I need more." Tomoki replied.

"Uh...I could get you like a cat or something."

"No. This blood is filthy. I need a purer source. I need her."

"And...her would be..."

Tomoki hopped to his feet and walked inside and out of the house.

"Hey, whoa, dude, where ya' going?" Kikuchiyo asked following him up to the door.

Tomoki payed him no mind and made his way to the streets. The sun lit his skin, which attracted the attention of a local street gang. They were made up of four guys who surrounded him on all sides.

"Where you headin' in such a hurry, fairy boy?" the said the thug in front of him.

In a flash, Tomoki shot his hand around his throat and, with the flick of his wrist, snapped the neck. The guy to his left tried to rush him; he threw a low round-kick that bent his opponent's leg in a way that shouldn't, grabbed him by the hair, and then slammed his head against the wall. When the one on his threw a punch, he caught the fist with one hand and chopped at the elbow with the other breaking the arm. He finished with a headbutt and turned to stare down the last thug as his previous victim went down. He tried to run, but Tomoki grabbed him by the back of his head, pressed him against the wall, and...well let's just say he wound up on the ground bleeding out of his ass.

Kikuchiyo watched the engagement from the front of the house.

"Oh, shit. That's...that's not good. Kanbei!"

"What!?"

"I need to borrow your bike!"

"Keys are on the kitchen counter! Wear the helmet!"

* * *

"What was it like? You know, the first..." Kotomi made an "o" with one hand, and slid a finger from the other through it.

Tomoko grimaced when she got the innuendo. As the memory of that day in the shed came to mind, so did the sound of explosions and machine gun fire. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Because you never did it." she replied with a leer.

"No, it's just...I imagine it was similar to hand-to-hand combat in a war zone. You don't think, your body just moves on its own, and you look into each other's eyes with this burning hatred. And when its over, you don't give a shit about the other. You're just glad that you're alive and he is glad that he's alive. All that's left is the sweat, the shame, and the lingering thought that you've made a huge mistake."

Kotomi could only reply with a stunned silence. "I...I don't have a response to that."

"They never do."

* * *

"Out of my way!" Kikuchiyo cried as he ran down the hall still wearing his brother's motorcycle helmet, "I will ruin obstacles with my anger!" There was one person who tried to stop him, possibly head of the disciplinary committee. He didn't care to check. Instead, he leaped at him, threw a flying knee that knocked his target out, and kept sprinting. He made a sharp turn into an empty clubroom and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

"Maybe we can beat him into submission." Tomoko suggested.

"What? Why would you suggest that for your own brother?"

"I didn't say kill him, maybe just knock him out, see if that doesn't kick the glitter out of him."

"In Twilight, vampires and werewolves would fight all the time. I don't know if that helps, but..."

"That...actually sound pretty badass. Unfortunately, the closest thing we have to a werewolf is..."

The door flew open and slammed shut. They stared at the helmeted figure who barged in and leaned against the entrance panting. Tomoko recognized the way his sleeves were rolled and his jacket was opened up along with his black Motörhead wrist bands.

"...him."

"Okay, so good news and bad news." Kikuchiyo said.

"Whaddya mean? Kurosawa, what happened to my little brother? And, why are you wearing that?"

"Oh, he's fine. You know, if you consider being in a murderous blood rage to be fine."

"What!?" the girls exclaimed.

"Okay so I took him to my oldest brother's house, we talked a little, then he started eating pigeons, then he kicked the shit out of this street gang, and now he's looking for some girl to uh...possibly tear her open and suck that bitch dry."

Kotomi went pale when she heard that last part, but Tomoko was curious about about another part of his story.

"Wait, you went to your brother's? How'd you get there?"

"I...kinda begged yours to give me a piggy back ride there."

Tomoko and Kotomi gave him a look then replied with a flat, "What."

"Hey, to be fair, I think everyone dreams of riding a mythical creature. I mean I'd prefer a dragon or something, but I take what I can get."

"Aw." Kotomi said to express disappointment. 'That should have been me.'

"So how did you know we were here?"

"I dunno, gut feeling? I mean this is the room we held you up in when you were a succubus."

"What." Kotomi said flatly.

"Long story." Tomoko shot back.

"Lucky for you guys, I beat him here. Which is weird, because he went ahead of me. And I didn't see him at all on my way here."

"Wait, you think he knew you'd follow him?"

"And he might've been waiting for me to lead him to you..."

"Because I said I knew who had the Book..."

Then it dawned on them. "Aw, son of a bi-"

The door opened, and there was Tomoki. His skin was alight and his eyes were completely white with rage, hunger, and lust.

"Kotomi Komiya." he growled.

Tomoko and Kikuchiyo stared at him with wide-eyed terror then pointed at Kotomi.

"Oh, you fucking assholes!"

As he menacingly walked to her, Kotomi got up and slowly backed away into the corner shaking with fear.

"So, are you gonna do anything?" Kikuchiyo asked Tomoko.

"No." she answered. "I mean, it's not that I hate her so much that I'll just let her die like this. Its just that I'm too lazy to think of something to save her from a vampire. One that she created, no less. Why don't you do something?"

"I saw him tear a man's rectum out with his bare hand! I'm not going near that."

"Tragic. Hold on, let me try something. Hey Tomoki, stop being a pud! Don't eat Komiyumi you dingbat!"

"Komiyama!"

"Semantics!"

The creature payed no attention to Tomoko and continued his frightening, yet painfully slow approach.

"Well, I tried. Hey, sorry Komiyuzublah!" Even in these last moments, she still couldn't remember her name.

"It's Komiyama, you stupid fucking cunt!" Kotomi screamed angrily. Being backed against the wall by your middle school crush who intends to tear you open and drink your blood like Mt. Dew, because you thought it was a good idea to wish he was a vampire with eyes for only you on a tome literally titled the Book of Pure Evil tends to stress you out a bit.

"Well, if we aren't going to save her, then there's only one thing left to do." He said plugging in his music player to his mini speaker.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tomoko and Kotomi both asked; Tomoko's tone more vexed, Kotomi's more "for the love of God, please help me!"

"Tomoko, we're about to watch someone get disemboweled by a fuckmothering vampire. This calls for some Saxon."

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

"So the reason you have the camera on your phone ready is...?"

Tomoko took a glance at the phone her hand. "For science." she answered.

"What is wrong you two!?" Kotomi shouted.

He plugged his player into the speaker and cranked up the volume. The song echoed through the room and Tomoki began stagger back. He began to yell in pain and backed away like a wild animal confronted with a shaking jar of pennies.

"Holy shit, Kurosawa," Tomoko said, "I think your crappy music is exorcising him!"

"Well, I mean shit, classic Heavy Metal can solve just about anything."

"Gimme, that!" Tomoko snatched the speaker, went to Tomoki, and held it up to him. "The power of Christ compels you!"

"What?" Kikuchiyo chuckled.

"I don't know, I've always wanted to say that."

The vampfairy slowly backed away from her and then dropped to its knees, as if begging for mercy. Just as it seemed that Tomoko had the upper hand, the music cut off. As she looked at the speaker in confusion, the creature snarled and slowly got back up.

"What happened, Kurosawa?" she asked. Her voice held traces of panic.

"The uh...the battery ran out."

"To the speaker or the player?"

Kikuchiyo checked his music player. "Both."

Tomoki rose to his feet and growled at the two of them angrily as his skin glowed a fiery red.

"I uh...I think he's pissed." Kikuchiyo said.

"Oh, ya' think?!"

The creature let out a furious roar. As he primed himself to pounce, a metal bat whacked him in the head from behind. With that strike, the glow from his skin flickered out and Tomoki fell on his face unconscious. Behind him, holding the bat, was Tomoko and Kikuchiyo's homeroom teacher.

"Uh...Hey, Oginio." Kikuchiyo greeted.

"Hey kids."

There was an awkward silence.

"So uh...The four of you might be late to class." the teacher said, "You should uh...You should go...To class."

"What...what about him?" Tomoko asked about her unconscious brother.

"I'll take him to the nurse's office." She eyed her students specifically, "This never happened."

"Yeah," they agreed, "okay."

"Alright. I'm gonna go...Do teacher stuff. You guys go to class, alright?" The P.E. teacher picked Tomoki up and slung him over her shoulder before she walked out. She left the bat where his body first fell.

Kotomi slid down and sat in the corner panting heavily. She spaced out trying to comprehend everything that just happened: she made a wish on an evil book that bit her in the ass, her crush nearly ripped her jugular out while her rival and her dumbass boyfriend just stood there and watched, and was saved by a stroke of sheer dumb luck. Her head slowly turned, and she noticed there was something in the room missing.

"H-h...Hey...W-what happened to the Book?"

"What do you-" Tomoko looked over at the table. The Book was gone. "Motherfucker, not again! Oh well, not our problem."

"Nope. Not our problem." Kikuchiyo added.

"Wait, what? What!?" As Tomoko and Kikuchiyo left the room, Kotomi followed. "That thing is still out there! If someone else gets a hold of it...If it falls into the wrong hands, God knows what'll happen!"

"Not our problem." they replied.

* * *

**AN: I realize now that a shout out to a death metal band like Cannibal Corpse or Obituary would have been more appropriate, but c'mon, who doesn't love Saxon? That and I thought of the song Bloodletter when I wrote this.**


	7. Déjà vu

Kotomi walked up to the front of the room. She took a deep breath to relieve her nervous tension. "Okay everyone. I think we all know why we're here."

The Kuroki kids and Kikuchiyo were the only other bodies in the room. The faces of Tomoko and Tomoki read confused, and "shoot me" respectively. Kikuchiyo's face was hidden behind the visor of his helmet.

"Why are we here? Or more specifically, why am I here?" Tomoko asked. "Usually, you refuse to associate with me. In fact, you don't even admit hating me 'cause it implies you know me."

"And I don't even fuckin' know you." Kikuchiyo added, "So chances are, I don't owe you dick."

"Why are you still wearing that?"

"I'm trying to make it a thing."

She shot him a dull look before flipping the visor open then slamming it shut.

Kotomi gave them both an angry glare. "I'm putting a team together to help me find the Book of Pure Evil, contain it, and if possible destroy it. And since you two are the reason that fucking thing is out there to begin with, you are going to take some damn responsibility for it!"

"We're here because no other sane person is going to believe anything about this." Tomoki said.

"Also, yes."

"You get dragged to this meeting too, Kuroki?" Kikuchiyo asked Tomoki.

"No, I came here on my own."

"Really? Damn, must've bashed your head pretty hard there."

"You have no idea." he flatly answered with an eye-twitch. "Hey are you sure you want to do something like this, Komiyama-sempai? You know what that thing is capable of. What you're trying to do sounds very dangerous."

Kotomi blushed when he addressed her, 'He's worried about me. He called me sempai!' "Uh...um...well...T-that's why...why we have to find it. To...To keep anyone else from getting hurt or...or letting it f-fall into the wrong...wrong hands."

"Hey, wait a minute," Tomoko said, "You're just trying to get into my brother's pants again!"

"W-what!? How dare you!"

The following conversation between the two girls was a loud back and forth squabble. The boys sat back almost amused at how they were going at it.

After a minute of listening to them bicker, Kikuchiyo stood up and said, "Alright, I'm in."

Tomoko and Kotomi looked back at him. "Huh?"

"Yeah. School is batshit boring and I got nothin' else goin' on for me. I hear the call, and I will bury them all."

"What...What does that even mean?" Kotomi asked.

"Push pull destroy is what it means. Nothing will hold this back!"

The girls gave him another muddled look.

"Am I the only person in this goddamn country that listens to DevilDriver and Battlecross!?"

"Are you high?" Tomoko asked.

"I may or may not be getting hot-boxed in this helmet right now."

"Right. See what I have to deal with? Well, what your gonna have to deal with now. Have fun chasing artifacts of evil with your stone trooper, Glasses. Come on, Tomoki."

"I'm gonna stay with them." her brother answered.

"Are you crazy? How hard was that blow to your head?"

Tomoki held three fingers up to his sister. "Three days," he said, "In these last three days, I've been attacked by a demon sandwich, chased down by a succubus, and got turned into a killer fairy. And I am in the same room with everyone who made that happen! Between all that and the whack on the head earlier today, I'm surprised I'm still this sane! Which, of course is relative."

"S-so...does that mean you're in, T-Tomoki?"

"I'm in."

All eyes were on Tomoko now.

"C'mon, Tomoko." Kikuchiyo said, "We all know your susceptible to peer pressure. Become a gear."

She shook nervously. She didn't want to get involved with this. The Book wasn't her problem anymore, she was done with it, and the ones asking her to go on a snipe hunt for it; she hated them. But how long has it been since she was approached by someone to be apart of something? Hell, when has she ever been approached to be part of a group? Maybe this was a sign, a first step into something even bigger.

"I...I have better things to do."

"Like what? Go home, spend like six hours on the internet looking at pictures of cats while you catch up on whatever stupid anime show you've been watching, and jack off before bed?"

She scowled at him. "A-alright..." she grumbled.

"I'm sorry, what was that? The helmet kinda mutes subtle noises, keeps the wind draft from blowing your ears out."

"I said I'm in, you stupid headbanger!"

Kikuchiyo let out a whoop and raised his fists in the air. "Alright, we are the road crew!"

"For a second there, I though you were gonna say 'welcome to the family.'" Tomoki joked.

"Fuck Avenged Sevenfold!"

"Alright, so here's the deal." Kotomi announced, "We don't know where the Book is, but maybe we can take what we know about it and predict where it'll strike next."

"So these meetings are like strategy briefings, right?" Tomoki asked. "We're here to put a game plan together."

"Something like that, yeah."

"So is this like a club or something?" Tomoko asked.

"Yeah, like the student council's going to sign off on a club that involves hunting the Necronomicon. They're more likely to approve a Neighbor's Club, which some idiot actually tried to start up last year." Tomoko hung her head thinking she meant her. She didn't know that and was really talking about herself. "No, we just sort of show up here in this room. Because apparently this is where we seem to run to whenever the Book makes bad things happen."

"So, how are we gonna do this?" Kikuchiyo asked, "The whole Book hunting thing?"

"Well, in anime, the team of demon hunters usually have special powers, or training, or gear to take on the monster of the week," she explained, "Unfortunately, this is reality and it's us. So, if comes down to it, we're going to have to rely on our own personal strengths and talents."

"Right." Tomoko responded.

"Strengths and talents." Kikuchiyo added.

"Ooh-Rah!" they cried putting their fists in the air. There was a drawn out pause before threw their arms around each other and sobbed, "We're all gonna die!"

Kotomi tried to think of something to say as the two of them blubbered on about how completely screwed they were. She knew they were right though, and what Tomoki said to her didn't quite boost morale, either.

"They're right, you know. We are fucked."

"This is all your fault!" Tomoko yelled as she pulled away and pointed to Kikuchiyo.

"My fault!?" he retorted, "Your dumb ass is the one that found it! I was just messing with you!"

"But you were so eager to use it when I did find it!"

"And you still used it when we saw that it was called the Book of Pure Evil_ for a reason_!"

"You really think I thought all this was gonna happen!?"

"Again, Book of _Pure Evil_! Were you expecting rainbows and unicorns!?"

"Well maybe you should be careful next time you send someone on a wild goose chase!"

"You really want someone to blame, don't you? Okay, fine. I'll give you three!"

* * *

Kikuchiyo guided Tomoko outside the school gates.

"Who the hell are these guys?" Tomoko asked.

"Remember when I said my brother Kyuzo sold drugs at school? These dudes were his suppliers."

"Wait, you mean those creepy foreigners that hang around off campus? The ones who sell pot, fireworks, and dirty magazines to the delinquents?"

"Yeah. They...also happen to by my dealers."

"So, you still buy pot from the guys who had part in ruining your life?"

"And fireworks...and porn...Shut up. Anyway just so there's no surprise, these guys are foreign but they speak Japanese real well. It's like they stole a native speaker's tongue and use it to talk to us."

The author wishes to express that he knows very little of the Japanese language or how any of the dialogue in this story would translate. If the reader is wondering, he advises you to use the rule of MST3K and just roll with it.

"Hey look, told ya' he'd be back." Brody said to his crew. "And he's got a little lady friend with him."

"Hey, why'd you assholes turn me on to that book in the first place!?" Kikuchiyo angrily asked. Tomoko followed close by almost hiding behind him, and let him do all the talking as usual.

"Oh hey, we were just trying to help you out. We knew you were going through some hard times."

"That fucking thing almost killed us! This little succubus here almost fucked me to death!" Kikuchiyo cried and pointed to Tomoko, who shot him an irate stare.

"Whoa, that does suck." Brody replied looking at her.

"Yeah, that tends to happen when you use the Book of Pure Evil." Rob added.

"You knew there'd be consequences, little dude."

"No we didn't!"

"You should've," Eddie quipped, "Loser."

"I didn't even think it was real. I thought you guys were fucking with me!"

"Oh, no. We were dead serious." Rob replied.

"Like we told you, control it or it controls you." Brody warned.

"Well say due to...circumstances we happen to lose it. How would we get it back?"

"Don't worry, it'll come back." Rob reassured.

"Just like German Herpes." Eddie added, "All you have to do is wait, loser."

"Once it's loose, it looks for anger, frustration, sadness, and depression." Rob explained.

"And anyone who can't control its power, well...let's just say it gets real nasty." Brody said with a snicker. "Say, you two wouldn't happen to be starting a gang whose sole purpose is to catch and neutralize that book, now would you?"

Tomoko and Kikuchiyo's eyes widened and shifted around. "Uh...no." he said, "No, not at all."

"Alright, well we're always here to help."

"Come see us anytime, loser."

As the two of them walked away, the metal dudes started snickering and made comments to each other in English.

"Damn Americans thinking they can do whatever they want wherever they want." Tomoko grunted.

"They're Canadian."

"What?"

"I said they're from Canada, eh?"

"The hell is Canada?"

"It's a large country just north of the U.S." Brody called out.

"People associate us with hockey, maple syrup, and universal healthcare." Rob shouted.

"The fu-They heard that?" Tomoko asked alarmed.

"Oh, we hear a lot of things, eh?!" Eddie cried. "Loser!"

* * *

**AN: Since Todd and the BoPE is a Canadian show, I think its safe to assume that it takes place in Canada. Updates are gonna take a while longer because now I have to think of monsters, angsty high school problems to go with them, and how those will fit into the plot. I thank you for reading my drivel, and I hope you can be patient with me.**


	8. ITWTEATMSOO

_**I Tamper With The Evidence At The Murder Site Of Odin**_

* * *

A week later, the gang met up in the room again. Kotomi was in the front writing on the chalk board while Tomoko and Kikuchiyo sat at the table playing games on their phones.

"Okay," Kotomi said looking at her work, "We know the Book can materialize living breathing monstrosities, can change people into said monstrosities, and will seek out victims in emotional turmoil. Now we have to think, who is most likely to be in a state of emotional turmoil?"

"Uh, how about the whole damn school?" Kikuchiyo answered, "A whole campus full of teenagers being molded to fit into one of the most robotic and soul-crushing societies of the free world supervised by adults who have been broken by said society. Nope, I just can't see how the Book can find any decent prey."

"You know, ever since we started this thing, you two have just sat around and done nothing." Kotomi scorned, "The only ones who have gotten anything done around here are me and Tomoki, and since he can't be here due to his athletics, my think-tank is cut in half right now."

"Yeah, that sucks." Tomoko replied.

"I'm just saying, we are two intelligent people here. It's nice that you two show up for these, but it would be even nicer if you did something to contribute to the group. What happened to all that enthusiasm last week, Kurosawa? Push, pull, or whatever?"

"Understand that I was very high when I said all that." he answered, "I mean, I was toasted. I could barely see out my visor there was so much smoke."

"Look, if this thing gets out and into the wrong hands, society could crumble."

"Fuck 'da man." Kikuchiyo replied.

"It could potentially end the world!"

"Fuck 'da Earth." Tomoko answered.

"God, are you two just that lazy?!"

"Fuck you." they both shot back.

"I hate you." Kotomi told them pinching the bridge of her nose, "I hate both of you."

Tomoki walked in, still wearing his soccer uniform. "Hey guys," he greeted.

"Oh uh...Tomoki. I didn't think you'd show up today."

"Yeah," Kikuchiyo added, "Don't you have another hour chasing a ball around a grassy field like an arm-less rere?"

His comment got a laugh out of Tomoko, but attracted a death stare from Kotomi.

"Practice got cut short," Tomoki explained, "After uh...I should probably just show."

* * *

"Take your time, let this soak in."

Under normal circumstances, being in the boys' locker room would have normally made Tomoko and Kotomi feel awkward, flustered, and a little spacey. However, under normal circumstances, they wouldn't be looking at a boy lying on the floor naked and covered in Vaseline. No you read that right; a guy lying naked on the floor covered in Vaseline.

Kotomi was the first to speak. "Is...Is he..."

"No," Tomoko answered poking him with a stick, "No, he's still alive."

"Why...Why is he covered in Vaseline?"

"Petroleum jelly." Kikuchiyo interjected, "Vaseline is a brand name."

"Semantics."

"Hey, lemme try something?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of salt.

"Why do you have that?" Tomoko asked.

"Why don't I have this?" Kikuchiyo opened and poured the salt onto the guy, who let out an agonized ear-splitting scream. The gang immediately threw their hands over their ears and cursed in pain because the noise was so harsh.

"Well, we know what's wrong now." Kikuchiyo said after things went silent. "Fucker thinks he's a slug."

"Was he a teammate of yours, Tomoki?" Kotomi asked.

"Yeah," he answered

"I'm so sorry."

"He was a bench-warmer at best, but still he didn't deserve this. Damn shame. Damn shame."

"Right, well if something goes down, let me know." Kikuchiyo announced. "I'm going home."

"What? Kurosawa, we need to investigate this!" Kotomi shot back.

"Look this is some weird shit, but it doesn't mean the Book is behind it. So I'm out."

"Unbelievable, how can you bail on us like this?! You were the first one to volunteer for the team!"

"I signed up for Ghostbusters, not Scooby-Fuckin'-Doo. Later."

"He does have a point." Tomoko said as Kikuchiyo left, "I'm outta here."

Kotomi's mouth hung open as her team abandoned her. On the plus side, though, she did get a little time alone with Tomoki.

"So uh...I guess we're here alone." she said bashfully, "You and me."

"Uh...Yeah..." he replied nervously, "I still have to change."

"Oh...um...Well, I...I can t-turn around...a-and look away."

"Or you could leave. That would be preferable."

"O-oh...Okay then."

Albeit, very little time.

* * *

"I think you're just paranoid." Kikuchiyo told Tomoko the next day in class.

"So, you don't find it weird at all that our teacher, the same lady who advised us to stay away from each other, put out a new seating arrangement that puts us right next to each other almost immediately after we found that book?" she asked back.

He answered by singing the guitar riff to Black Sabbath's Paranoid.

Tomoko shot him a confused look. "I don't...What is that? I don't know what that means."

The silence that followed was awkward for Tomoko and disappointing for Kikuchiyo. Kotomi popped into the classroom and came over to them.

"Hey you two," she said casually as if to hide something, "We should go over to the pool, I think you might want to see this. I hope neither of you ate already."

* * *

"Holy Jupiter shit." Tomoki said staring at the pool.

"Gruesome, isn't it?" Kotomi inquired.

"Good god." Kikuchiyo murmured.

"Right?" Tomoko replied.

"I mean, just the way those suits cling to the body."

"And those bodies, dear god, those bodies. I mean, how do you get that kind of figure?"

"I know the point of using one-pieces is to not be too revealing, but holy fuck those things are sexy as hell."

"I think I could look pretty hot in a one-piece."

"Yeah, trying to imagine you in one now. Gotta tell you, it's kinda killing my libido."

She responded with an elbow to his ribs. "Ass!"

Kotomi, Tomoki, and everyone else at the scene was looking at the water. Tomoko and Kikuchiyo's eyes, however, were focused elsewhere much to the embarrassment of the other half of the gang. A frustrated Kotomi snuck behind the two as they ogled the swimmers and pulled them by the back of their collars to the edge of the pool. Their eyes flew open when they saw the water dyed blood-red.

"Holy crap in a pita!" Kikuchiyo exclaimed.

Tomoko noticed there was something swimming around. It looked like a school of fish. "A-are those piranhas?"

"Probably." Kotomi answered, "There's a student in there too. You can't see her because she's...in the piranhas."

"Any idea who she was?" Tomoki asked.

"Well, there was a suicide note found that described this exact method. No one can be sure it her because nobody wants to go in and get what's left."

"Well, why not?" Kikuchiyo asked.

"Uh, because there are fucking piranhas in there? You know what piranhas are, right? They're like sharks, but smaller. They travel in swarms and tear off bits of flesh one at a time. If anything they are more terrifying than sharks, because sharks at least leave remains. Do you understand, or do I still have to dumb it down for you?"

"You don't have to insult my intelligence, Komiyuna."

"Komiya—Whatever, I don't care anymore. So Book related, yay or nay?"

Tomoki was the first to reply, "This is one hell of an elaborate suicide. I don't know where you're gonna get a swarm of Piranhas or how you would sneak them into the school swimming pool. Or even why you would willingly jump into a pool full of them."

"Yeah," his sister added as she drew a pair of sunglasses from her pocket, "Things seem..." She paused for dramatic effect and put the glasses on, "A little fishy."

The rest of the team gave her a scowl. Kotomi couldn't help but smack her in the back of the head knocking the shades into the water.

* * *

Four red-hooded figures gathered around the table in the darkly lit room.

"And you're absolutely sure this is it? The real Book of Pure Evil?" asked the first one.

"Am I sure? Look at it!" the second held up the Book to show the others. The pentagram on its cover glowed.

"What's it doing here, of all places?" the third asked.

"Who cares? The Hooded Leader will be pleased" answered the fourth.

"Fuck the Hooded Leader!" the second exclaimed, "I have the motherfucking Book, I control the motherfucking Book, you know what that makes me?"

The first slammed his fist on the table. "You're speaking heresy if you're trying to imply that you of all people-"

"The Book came to me. It obeys my command. I am the chosen; the Pure Evil One!"

"You know the prophecy-"

"I know the prophecy can be interpreted differently, and I'm getting a little tired of your mouth right now." he opened the Book and cast a spell on the first. "Confutuere et claude."

When the Book glowed, the first hooded figure's lips and nostrils melted together and sealed shut. He clawed at his own face frantically until he eventually suffocated and dropped dead.

"Anybody else want to question my authority?"

The other two looked at each other and violently shook their heads.

"Excellent."

* * *

The next day back at the gang's room.

"Okay, we have slug boy and piranha pool." Kotomi mumbled as she wrote on the board, "Now what did these victims have in common?"

"Better question," Kikuchiyo interjected, "Who the hell were they even?"

"You mean you haven't heard anything about either of them?"

"Well," Tomoko said pointing her thumb at Kikuchiyo, "He's the only one I really talk to, and vice-versa."

"And neither of us know jack-shit."

"Seriously? There's serial killer roaming the school, most likely using the Book as his murder weapon, and neither of you know anyone who can give us a lead?"

Kikuchiyo and Tomoko looked at each other briefly and then back at Kotomi. "Do you you?" they asked.

"No." she answered sadly. She hesitated with her response.

"Do you even have any idea what we're doing?" Kikuchiyo asked. "I mean we're trying to solve a murder mystery with no clues, no social connections, or even a damn suspect. We'd be more productive having a threesome. Which I am totally up for."

"You're a dreamer, Kurosawa." Tomoko replied, "I'll at least give you that much."

"Guys, I've got something!" Tomoki said entering the room. He put a yearbook onto the table and opened it up to a picture of a rather sickly looking boy with his hair parted to the side. One could joke that he almost looked like a gender-bent Tomoko, but with smaller eyes, much shorter hair, and he appeared to be of a decent height in the photo. The name under the picture was Hitoshi Tano.

"A few days until the locker room incident," Tomoki explained, "two other students went missing. Turns out, he was being bullied by them before they went MIA. And my teammate who thinks he's a slug now? He owed this guy money. The piranha pool? Almost every girl who's rejected him was on the swim team."

"That's great, but how did you figure all that out?" Kotomi asked.

"I asked around." he answered, "Some guys on the team know some swimmers, some guys knew the missing ones, yadda, yadda..."

"So you think he's behind it?"

"Can't know for sure. But if the Book's involved, then he definitely knows something about it. Guess what club he belongs to?"

Kotomi gave him a vacant look.

"The Occult Club."

"There's an Occult Club?"

"I said the same thing, but apparently there is."

Tomoko and Kikuchiyo went pale when they saw the picture. The look on their faces just screamed, "I've made a huge mistake." Kotomi picked up on this rather quickly.

"You two know something, don't you?" she asked.

"Uh..."

"Well, let's say," Kikuchiyo explained, "hypothetically speaking..."

* * *

The previous week, soon after their experience with the vampfairy, Tomoko and Kikuchiyo were at the usual spot getting baked. They were not alone. Hitoshi was with them listening to their stony rambling.

"So, like, imagine this book, okay?" Kikuchiyo said to the kid.

"A book of awesome power that'll make your deepest darkest dreams come true, right?" Tomoko added.

"But like, at a terrifying cost."

"You don't even need to go looking for it. You just need to be, like, angry, frustrated, sad, and depressed."

"I don't know how it works, man. But I guess it goes looking for dudes who are like emotionally distressed or whatever."

"But yeah, dude, once you get your hands on it you can do all kinds of crazy shit."

* * *

"You two...did what!?" Kotomi cried.

"Okay, to be fair," Tomoko responded, "we were high."

"And I thought that guy was just a hallucination." Kikuchiyo added.

"You told him about the Book, and now he's probably using it to go on a supernatural killing spree!"

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me about, Tomoko?" Tomoki asked. "You know, other than your new 'hobby?'"

"Well..." she said falsetto.

* * *

On that same day, the two of them stood on an overpass throwing rocks at the cars below.

"Hey, check this out." she said to Kikuchiyo. With a flick of her wrist, she tossed a rock that rebounded through the moving traffic and right into a passing pedestrian's face. The victim was Hitoshi, who fell down grabbing his eye in pain.

"Oh, shit!" Kikuchiyo cried. He gestured Tomoko to run. "Bail, bail, bail!"

* * *

"I'm going to kill you two." Kotomi said in an eerily calm tone. "If that Book doesn't, I will."

"If it makes you feel better, I didn't mean to hit him." Tomoko said with a shrug.

"Look, let's not point the finger at who did or didn't tell some emo kid about Pure Evil bound in a foreskin cover, or what may or may not have triggered a shitty mood that may or not have signalled the Book to him." Kikuchiyo replied, "The point is..." he paused for dramatic effect, raised his fists and shouted to the sky, "I know who you are!"

* * *

**Blood Ocean**

**AN: I'll be perfectly honest, I have no idea where I'm going with this. Seems way to early in the story to play this card, but sometimes when you write you just keep rolling. So again, hope you can roll with it and enjoy and if you can maybe give me some tips on writing multi-character conversation dialogue. There's gonna be a lot more of that, so if anyone could help me make those flow more smoothly that would be great.**


	9. Cry of the Black Birds

Tomoko propped herself against the wall outside of the room with a slingshot ready in one hand, and the other signaling to her partner. Kikuchiyo did not understand tactical hand signals however, and responded with dazed and confused looks.

"Breach and clear, dumbfuck!" she growled through her teeth after losing her patience with him.

"What does that even mean?"

"Just bust through the damn door!"

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?"

"I'm trying to be tactical!"

"Why!?"

Their argument was interrupted when the door opened and a nerdy looking kid wearing a red hood walked out.

"Can I help you two?" he asked.

* * *

"Are you really sure you should've sent those two to interrogate the Occult Club?" Tomoki asked Kotomi.

"Why not? It's probably their fault that kid has the Book anyway." She was glad to be spending time with Tomoki, but if it wasn't about the Book or what they were doing to find it, she couldn't talk to him about anything else without turning into a stuttering nervous wreck. However, she thought if she kept their relationship strictly professional long enough, she could build some kind of sexual tension.

"I'm just saying, things could go wrong."

"You're really worried about your sister, huh?" she asked with a melancholic envy.

"No, I'm worried that those two are going to botch this by trying a good-cop-bad-cop routine, and because Kurosawa won't want to be good cop and my sister doesn't know how to deal with people, it just won't end well for anybody."

* * *

"Uh...um...W-was any of this really necessary?" Tomoko asked.

"Well, it's not like you helped any." Kikuchiyo complained. "You just stood there like a deer in the headlights when that guy opened the door."

"And you tackled me to the ground and beat me up!" cried the hooded kid to Kikuchiyo.

"And you shot me once he did!" the other one cried to Tomoko from inside the room.

"I'm sorry!" she cried back cringing, "I...I didn't know what to do, I-I panicked!"

"You screamed, 'suppressing fire!' and shot me in the eye! Then you reloaded and shot me in the balls!"

"I-I wasn't...M-m-my eyes were closed I swear!"

"Don't apologize, just keep this one down while I talk to the other guy, alright?" He left Tomoko with first one and went into the room. She was in a knee-on-belly position with her slingshot primed and aimed at his groin.

"Please don't let go." he begged her.

Kikuchiyo approached Tomoko's victim, drew a large pocket knife, and held the blade up to his suspect.

"Why do you have that!?" Tomoko asked.

"Why don't I have this?" he shot back. He turned his attention back to hostage. "Now, you're going to tell me everything you know about a club member of yours, a Hitoshi Tano, and you are going to tell me about a certain Book of Pure Evil, or else I'm going to take this knife and shove into your urethra."

"His what?" Tomoko asked both shocked and confused.

"It's that little hole in the penis where pee and-"

"Oh, okay. Wait...Ew!"

He turned his attention back to the hooded kid. "Now, where do we start?"

* * *

"But, yeah that guy was a massive pussy." Kikuchiyo reported to the rest of the group, "He spilled the beans so fast, I could hardly keep up."

"Well, you threatened to shove a knife up his dick hole." Tomoko added, "Which again, ick."

"At least I didn't actually do it. You shot your hostage right before we left."

"My arm got tired!"

"It was kind of funny, though." he replied with a snicker.

"It really was." she laughed.

"So, what did you find out?" Kotomi asked.

"Oh yeah, Tano's got the Book and used it to put piranhas in the pool. There was also something about a prophecy and a Pure Evil One, or something. I stopped paying attention after, 'yes he has the Book.'"

"Wait, Pure Evil One? Prophecy, there's a prophecy? That all sounds really important."

"Look, you asked us to see whether or not this Tano guy had the Book and he does. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Whenever there's a prophecy attached to an artifact of doom, it's usually a very big deal!"

"Well whatever. We came, we saw, we kicked ass, and we got our clues, Velma. All we gotta do now is wait for this Tano guy to call us out."

"What makes you think he'll do that?" Tomoki asked. "From what I hear, he's not exactly the epitome of valor."

"What, you have the all the powers of Satan in your hands and you're not gonna just a little cocky?"

* * *

The members of the Occult club gathered around the table; their hoods covering their faces.

"So let me get this straight, Deimos, Phobos," Hitoshi snarled. "Two outsiders just barged in here, asked you about me and the Book, and you just told them everything?!"

"W-well..." Deimos said, "The big one beat me up."

"And the small one attacked me with a slingshot!" Phobos added. "Then her partner threatened to shove a knife up my cock!"

"Then she shot me in the balls when they left!"

Hitoshi took a deep breath to relieve his frustration. "Of all the evil minions, I just had to get the two biggest pussies of the Junior Satanic Society!"

"Oh come on, it's not fair to rag on us." Phobos retorted.

"You're not even an initiate, yet." Deimos shot back, "We still don't have a name for you. We just go by your government you're so green."

"Ares probably would've held out."

"But you killed him."

"Shut up. Just shut up, okay? Here's what we're gonna do: tomorrow, you Deimos since you have the biggest mouth, are going to find them and issue a challenge to them. Phobos, you will guide them to my chosen battleground. I'll take care of the rest. Oh, and as for the name, you may call me 'Your Evilness.' Which is what I am."

"Oh come on, man. That's just pretentious." Phobos snapped.

"Yeah, that's kind of a title reserved for the Hooded-Leader."

Hitoshi opened the Book and shot them a threatening glance.

"Okay."

"'Your Evilness' it is."

"Now, do you have any idea who they were?"

"It was those screamo kids." Deimos answered, "You know, the ones who hang out between the north and south buildings."

* * *

"You okay, Kurosawa?" Tomoko asked as she followed Kikuchiyo on their way home.

"I don't know, I just felt a disturbance." A chill went down his spine along with a surging rage that burned through his blood. "Like a voice suddenly cried out and begged me to kick his ass...But anyways, every damn day you keep following me home!"

"Well we both just happen to take the train. I also know it annoys you, and that I find hilarious."

He returned fire with a high-pitched mocking mimic.

The next day at the usual spot was went just like any other. Complaint from one of them that the other was following them, normal. Kikuchiyo blared his music from his mini speaker and thrashed while Tomoko hid behind her hand-held console occasionally snickering at him, normal. At one point they engaged in an unnecessarily heated debate over rather trivial matters eventually leading to which of the two were the higher life-form, again normal. During a brief moment where they decided they could tolerate each other and relax, they received a visitor. That last bit was not normal.

"You know what I noticed?" Tomoko asked Kikuchiyo, "You call me by my first name, but never my brother. Why?"

"Because fuck formalities and fuck you." he answered, "That and I don't know your brother's name."

"Wh—How? Me and Glasses call him Tomoki all the time, because it's his name! How did you not pick up on that?"

"Shit, seriously? That's his name? Wow, your parents have like no creativity when it comes to naming babies."

"Says someone whose line is named after the Seven Samurai." Tomoko mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Hm? Uh, nothing. But yeah, since we were just born a year apart, our parents thought it'd be a good idea. They thought they could pass us off as twin when we were little and later when we grew up."

He looked at her for a while and pictured her and Tomoki standing next to each other. As he did this, he also kept in mind that the name "Tomoko" meant "beautiful girl" or "wise child." Finally he said to her, "Your parents have horrible foresight."

"Um...Excuse me." said a stocky bookish looking boy, Deimos. He seemed extremely shaky when he spoke to Kikuchiyo.

"What the hell are you starin' at?" he snapped.

"My...my master wishes to issue a challenge to you."

"Your what and my what? Man, who the fuck are you!?"

"Uh, remember yesterday? You two broke into my club's session and beat me up? Then you threatened to shove a knife up my friend's cock?"

Kikuchiyo gave him a blank stare. Nothing he said rang a bell.

"Imagine him in a red hood." Tomoko said to him.

"Oh right, that guy! Man, without the hood...Yeah, sorry about kicking your ass, dude."

"Well that guy you were asking about yesterday, Tano, he wants to meet with you after school."

"Alright, dude wants to throw down? I'm game."

"Meet us back at the Occult Club room. I'll take my leave now. You two can resume listening to your screamo music."

Tomoko's eyes widened then she gestured Deimos to run like hell. Kikuchiyo's eye twitched as he felt that same disturbance again.

"I'm sorry, what was that last bit?" he asked with an angry grin.

"Listen to screamo?"

"What I thought. Muay Thai Flying Knee!"

"Muay wha—Oh goddamnit!" Deimos was knocked to the ground when Kikuchiyo jumped up and threw a knee at him followed by a brutal ground-and-pound. As Tomoko watched the horrifying scene in front of her, she couldn't help but take her phone out and record it.

* * *

After school, the gang followed a tall thin geeky looking boy, Phobos, who was leading them to Tano.

"And none of this seems like a trap to you?" Tomoki asked.

"Of course its a trap." Kikuchiyo replied, "If it wasn't, then why would he send a messenger for a messenger?"

"And that doesn't worry you at all?" Kotomi inquired.

"If he wanted to kill us on the spot, he would have done it. He wouldn't have set up this elaborate plot if he wanted this to be easy."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Tomoko agreed.

"It would make sense to you," Kotomi quipped, "You think anything you read in manga is plausible."

"Not anything!"

"We're here." Phobos announced. He led them to the swimming pool still red and still vacated by piranhas. On the other side waiting was a figure cloaked in a red hood clutching the Book of Pure Evil in its clawed hands. It reached out and beckoned to them.

"He wants you to walk out onto the water." Phobos explained.

"What? Fuck that!" Kikuchiyo snapped, "Hey, Little Red Riding Hood, why don't you go first!?" he cried to Tano.

The hooded figure complied and walked right onto the middle of the pool. "Anything else you'd like to say, smartass!?" he cried back.

The gang exchanged glances at each other still worried that there was something wrong. The non-verbal agreement was to push Kikuchiyo out first since he had the biggest mouth. He staggered out onto the surface of the water. Once he got a hold of his footing, he took deep breaths and his legs trembled like crazy. As soon as he caught his breath, he tapped the surface to make sure he was on solid...he was able to stand there. He flashed the 'okay' sign to the others, and they cautiously walked out on the pool.

"I should thank you and your girlfriend, stoner." Tano said to him.

"Oh, we're not..." Kikuchiyo answered while Tomoko waved away and shook her head in agreement.

"It doesn't matter. If it wasn't for you two, I would have never realized my destiny as the Pure Evil One. Now I suppose it's only fair to apologize, for the lot of you have fallen into my trap."

"Obviously." Kotomi said with snark. Her scorn was directed at Kikuchiyo.

"I could just kill you where you stand but where would the fun in that be?"

"I told you he'd be a cocky motherfucker." Kikuchiyo whispered to Tomoki and Kotomi.

"So here's what I'm going to do. We're gonna play a little game."

"What is this, Saw Nine?" Tomoko whispered to Kotomi.

"Right?" she replied with a snicker. "You think there's a little puppet under that hood?"

While the girls quietly giggled at the reference, Tano removed his hood and showed off the ram horns growing out of his forehead. Their laughter cut off immediately and the gang stared at him in astonishment.

"Oh...Wow." Kotomi said aloud.

"You look like a goat, dude." Kikuchiyo noted.

"That's because the Pure Evil One is a man-goat!" Tano explained, "Half-man, half-goat, all man-goat..." He clopped his hoofed feet and bleated madly before leaving droppings where he stood.

"That's just nasty." Tomoko mumbled.

"You just took a goat shit." Kikuchiyo said.

"Man-goat shit! Now, I'll issue a test of your strength, wisdom, and will. Lose, you die. Win, and you get to be my evil minions."

"Fuck that!" Kikuchiyo cried defiantly, "I choose death before dishonor, motherfucker! I'd rather die than get down on my kn-" Tomoki swiftly covered his mouth with his hand and continued for him.

"What he means to say is: we humbly accept the terms of your challenge." he said to the Man-Goat, and then through his teeth he asked Kikuchiyo, "Stupid bastard, are you trying to get us all killed!?"

"With our dignity." he replied with his mouth still stuffed. With a sneer, Tomoki removed his hand. "Mine is a fury divine." Kikuchiyo said angrily.

Man-goat opened the Book and read the Latin incantation. A circular arena floor appeared beneath their feet and rose five feet above the pool.

"First, I test your wits. We'll start with a simple trivia quiz."

Kotomi cracked her knuckles and stepped forward. "I got this shit." she told the rest of the gang.

The quiz was divided into three categories in which the questions were read from the Book. The first was literature, which she blazed through effortlessly; Man-goat sneered at her success. The second category, science, was more rocky but she managed to hit most of her marks. It was in this section that the danger of this challenge became apparent, for with every wrong answer their half of the arena slanted and crumbled. The bits of the floor fell into the water, proving there was no safety net from the piranhas. The final category made her sweat.

"World War II." Man-goat said with a shit-eating grin.

'Oh fuck!' she screamed internally. She didn't know anything about World War II.

"First question: The Nazi troops of Germany were called...?"

"Uh...Um..." The pressure she felt was immense. The gang was starting to have problems maintaining their balance. The whispers Kikuchiyo was bombarding her with wasn't helping her concentration, either.

"Stormtroopers." he kept repeating. Eventually he lost his patience and blurted out, "Stormtroopers, final answer!"

She slowly turned her head to him with an angry flame in her eyes. "You idiot! What did you do!?"

The Book glowed in Man-goat's hand. "Correct." he said with a scoff.

"I think I just saved our asses." Kikuchiyo cracked. He stepped in front of her and said, "World War II history. Step aside, I got this"

To the surprise of everyone, even Man-goat, Kikuchiyo answered all the following questions correctly. All but the last one.

"The leader of the Nazi party that declared and lead Germany into World War II was...?"

"We got this!" Tomoko said happily to Kotomi.

"This is such an easy question!"

"Uh, guys?" Tomoki said tugging at Kotomi's sleeve. The gang looked over to see Kikuchiyo shaking nervously, much like Kotomi did with the first question.

"You have got to be shitting me." the girls said together.

"Emperor Palpatine?" Kikuchiyo answered sheepishly.

"Is that your final answer?" Man-goat asked with a grin.

"Uh..." Before he could say another word, the others tackled and held him down.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Kotomi scolded.

"I thought Star Wars was a sci-fi remake of World War II, I don't fucking know who lead the Nazis!"

"How do you know about the Holocaust, but not about the guy who ordered it!?" Tomoko cried.

"How do you not know one of history's biggest war criminals!?" Tomoki asked.

A wide smile stretched across his face when it finally hit him. "Okay, I got this. Osama Bin Ladin, final answer!"

A heavy silence followed accompanied by three furious glares fixed on Kikuchiyo.

"That was it, right? No?"

Tomoko was the only one who wasn't too shocked to say anything. "You stupid motherfucker."

The floor beneath them cracked and slowly crumbled. The gang got up and tried to scramble, but the ground broke too quick and they fell through. Tomoki was able to grab onto an edge with one hand and catch Kotomi with the other.

"I've got you sempai!"

"Tomoki..."

"I'm going to swing you towards the top. Try to grab on and we can climb out."

He swung around like a pendulum until she was able to latch onto the rim. Once she had her grip, he let go and they climbed out if the hole.

Meanwhile Tomoko held on with both her hands as Kikuchiyo dangled from her legs clinging for dear life.

"You are one heavy son of a bitch!" she complained.

"Well you need to do some goddamn push-ups every once in a while!" he shot back.

"You better not be looking up my skirt!"

"I've seen everything down there anyway!" He climbed up her back until he got his own grip on the edge. With one hand he grasped the fringe, wrapped his other arm with his other arm, and helped her push herself up out of the hole. Once she was out, Tomoko grabbed his free hand and helped him up.

"Adolf Hitler!" she angrily shouted while panting, "The answer was Adolf Hitler!"

"Who the hell is Adolf Hitler?"

"Again: you stupid motherfucker."

"Impressive." Man-goat said to them. "I'll count that as your test of will. Guess now we go to strength." Once again, he read from the Book and summoned four red ogres. "Kill them." he ordered the creatures with the snap of his fingers.

The gang spread out as the beasts jumped onto their side of the arena. Each ogre picked off and approached one of the members. They were going to have to engage them one-on-one.

Kikuchiyo squared up with the demon ogre before him. "Getting really sick of this shit!" he growled through his teeth. He was not the type to get into a lot of fights, but he had his fair share of scrapes and he knew how to use a weapon. He drew his knife, lunged at the creature, and ducked to avoid its swinging hay-maker. When he went in for the stab, the beast countered him with a knee to his stomach and grabbed him by the hair. He took this as a chance to slash the veins of its wrist, making it let go as it winced in pain. Enraged, the ogre threw an overhand with its other arm which he managed to slip and side-step. Before the beast could reset itself, Kikuchiyo threw a low kick to its knee that forced it off-balance. Then with an angry cry he lunged forward, and stabbed at the soft spot beneath the ribs screaming with each strike, "Ruin...You...With...My...Anger!" He finished it off with a slash to the throat. The ogre fell and bled out while Kikuchiyo let out a furious victory yell.

Between trying to keep her footing on a slanted arena floor and backing away from this charging demon, there was no way Tomoko's small frame could fight this thing. 'Okay, think.' she pondered dodging another lunge. Years of gaming meant she had to figure out a lot of boss fights, and though given the pressure of either getting mauled by a hell ogre or falling into a pool of piranhas, she was able to think about her situation. 'Slanted floor, charging opponent, cliff, if I got this thing to chase me...' It was stupid, but it was an idea. She avoided another swing from the beast, stared it down, and timed her next movement. She pulled her bottom eye-lid down and stuck her tongue out at it before spinning on her heel and bolting to the end of the arena. Her heart raced faster and faster the closer she got to the downward-most edge. She counted down and threw herself on her back, her body barely stopping before she could slide off the edge, and then prayed like hell that this maneuver worked. It did perfectly; when she sprawled out, the creature almost tripped. Its loss of balance practically hurled it over the edge and into the demon fish below. She opened her eyes realizing that she was still alive. Her panting turned to cackling as she raised her fists above her head. In excitement over her victory, she couldn't help but scream, "I am a badass!"

Although Tomoki never learned how to fight, he had seen a few movies and pro-kickboxing matches. His head-movement was rather awkward but his footwork, which he found a bit like dribbling a soccer ball, helped him slip the ogre's slow heavy strikes. He wasn't confident in punching this thing, but the one technique he could emulate, the low-round kick, worked just fine for him. He continuously struck the creature's knee while avoiding its huge punches and luring it the edge of the arena. Fortunately, these things were dumb as hell and he was able to hold this strategy for a good while. However, they were also tough motherfuckers; he was getting tired from continuously kicking its leg and he felt if he kept going, his shin was going to break. Just as he lured his opponent right where he wanted it, he saw that its leg was trembling. He timed the creature's next strike, stepped to its side, and tackled it. The beast was pushed off the edge. He heard the plop and the ogre's screams of terror as it was eaten by the fish below, and sat down grabbing his aching leg. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug.

Kotomi slowly backed away as the ogre stared her down like a predator to prey. 'Oh god, it's the Twilight incident all over again!' she thought. She was too scared to think or act. 'Oh god, I'm the damsel-in-distress of the group!' Her initial thought was an internal begging for Tomoki to save her, but once she figured where her standing was in the gang was she half-hoped the thing just killed her quickly. Survival instinct finally kicked as the beast raised its hands to smash her; she jumped out of the way once the fists came down. The impact hit a weak spot in the floor which collapsed and took the creature with it. She looked down the hole and watched the piranhas devour the ogre. With a relieved sigh, she sat down and made a mental note to herself, 'I need to buy a lottery ticket after this.'

Once they defeated their opponents, the gang gathered around Kikuchiyo, who triumphantly planted his foot on his opponent's corpse.

"Damn, dude." Tomoko noted looking at the bleeding body.

"Hey, Tano." Kikuchiyo called out, "We win!"

"I guess you do." Man-goat replied. "The four of you, you especially screamo kid, will make a splendid addition to my evil legion!"

"I'm sorry, what did you just call me?"

"Screamo kid? I mean you listen to a lot of screamo music, right?"

"Okay, that is it! I am officially sick of your shit, goat-man!"

"Man-goat!"

"Semantics!" He turned to Tomoko and put his hands on her shoulders. "Tomoko, do you trust me?" he asked.

"W-what?" she replied looking deeply into his eyes.

"Do you trust me?"

"Honestly? No. Not, not one bit."

"Well, that's too bad." he said picking her up by the back of her collar and her ankle, "'Cause this is gonna suck."

"Hey wait, what are you doing—No no nonono!"

He took a few steps back before he cocked her back, rushed forward and hurled her into Man-goat's side of the arena. She crash landed right into him, forcing him to drop the Book and stagger back. Kikuchiyo followed suite and leaped to the other side running straight for the Book. Man-goat however, was not willing to give it up so easily. Kikuchiyo grabbed the Book first, but Man-goat tried to wrestle it away from him.

"The Book is mine!" Man-Goat cried, "I am the chosen one!"

"Hey Tomoko, a little help?!"

"What am I gonna do!?"

"Anything! Why do you think I threw you over here!?"

"Because you're insane?!"

"Be that as it may, it's still two-to-one!"

"Okay," she said to herself with a deep breath. "Alright, you hoof-footed freak: first you go around killing people with the Book, then you put us in a death game over a pool of nightmare fish, but you're biggest crime; I had a game order to pick up today, and you kept me from picking it up!"

The struggle over the Book briefly ceased as the two combatants had to stare at her for a second.

"What is she going on about?" Man-goat asked.

"I dunno, dude. Usually you don't want to know what she's thinking."

Tomoko charged towards Man-goat, jump forward, and cried, "Muay Thai Flying Knee!"

Her battle cry caught them both off guard. "Muay wha-"

She brought her knee up just before crashing into Man-goat again, breaking his balance and giving Kikuchiyo the chance he needed to pry the Book away.

"You want the fucking Book?" Kikuchiyo asked, "Go get it!" He threw it off the arena, and Man-goat chased after it all the way off the ledge. He reached for it as he fell into blood-red water, but just before he splashed down it opened up and flew away.

Bit by bit, the exotic fish tore him apart as he flailed in the water. He futilely reached out and screamed while the dozens of piranhas biting him at once pulled him down into the bloodied depths. One last cloud of bubbles burst on the surface as his hand slowly submerged, still reaching out for help. The bloody water finally became still after what was left of Hitoshi Tano sank to the bottom of the pool. The Book of Pure Evil was long gone by now, off to find a new victim.

The gang watched the Book fly off. Tomoko could only give Kikuchiyo an angry look. She already said what she wanted to tell him twice. There was no need to repeat it a third.

"Okay," he said in response to her glare, "If I knew it was gonna do that...You think of a better idea!"

There was a flash beneath them and the arena instantly disappeared. They screamed as they dropped into the pool. After landing, the four of them broke to the surface flailing in panic. Tomoko and Kikuchiyo grabbed each other screaming in fear of the impending feeding frenzy.

"Tomoko, before we get ripped apart, I have to tell you something!"

"What is it?"

"I've always...I've always hated you." he confessed, "I've always hated you the most.

"You were the bane of my existence!" she sobbed.

For another minute they cried in each others arms waiting to be devoured by piranhas while Tomoki and Kotomi watched. The latter two by now figured that it wasn't going to happen.

"Should we tell them we're safe?" Tomoki asked.

"How do you want to do it?"

"I'll deal with him you deal with her?"

"That'll work."

They waded over to their comrades to try and talk them down. Tomoki grabbed Kikuchiyo's shoulder, spun him around, and punched him in the face.

"Ow! What the fuck Man?"

"Sorry." Tomoki apologized shaking his aching hand out. "I've just always wanted to do that."

Kotomi held Tomoko down for a good five seconds, taking a few relaxing breaths as her "friend" struggled beneath the surface.

"You fucking psychopath!" Tomoko cried after she came up.

"Sorry, always wanted to do that."

"Hey, shouldn't we have been devoured by nightmare fish by now?" Kikuchiyo asked.

"Should've, but I don't think there's any in the pool anymore." Kotomi answered.

"Why's that?" Tomoko asked.

"If I had to take a guess: when Tano died, all the wishes he made on the Book were undone. You know, like the arena."

"Water's still red, though." Tomoki noted.

"Well, I didn't say it undid the victims."

"Hey this might be weird to say, but am I the only one getting hungry after all that?" Tomoko asked.

"I dunno, what do you guys think; pizza, burgers, tacos?" Kikuchiyo offered.

"Eh, Tacos?" Tomoki answered with a shrug.

"Yeah, tacos sound good." Kotomi replied.

"I'm in the mood for tacos." Tomoko said.

Kikuchiyo clapped his hands and announced, "Alright tacos it is, then."

* * *

**Minor spoilers if you haven't seen the last episode of _Todd_, though it shouldn't ruin the episode let alone the whole series. I should probably get used to writing these long chapters.**


	10. Fear of the Dark

"So he just presumed himself the Pure Evil One?" said a feminine voice from a red hood.

Cloaked in their own hoods, Deimos and Phobos sat before their Hooded-Leader in an office lit dimly with candles.

"Yes, Your Evilness." Deimos answered.

"And then, surprise surprise, he went and got himself killed by it."

"Well, ma'am, it was those meddling kids-"

The Hooded-Leader interrupted Phobos' retort, "Hitoshi Tano was too ambitious for his own good. He knew, as do we all, that anyone who uses the Book will ultimately be destroyed by its power. If he wanted to think he was the chosen one from the prophecy, then it was his burden alone to face the consequences. The Book may have even used those 'meddling kids' to ensure his downfall."

"Are you still mad that about the piranha pool?"

"You have no idea how much of a bitch that was to cover up."

"Well what do we do now, Your Evilness?" Deimos asked.

"For now, we wait. That wannabe Scooby-Doo gang is currently the only hope we have of obtaining the Book of Pure Evil."

* * *

Despite the events of the previous week, Tomoko and Kikuchiyo still lacked motivation for Kotomi's Book-capture-strategy meetings. Their reasons for attending ran more along the lines of boredom and habit rather than obligation or duty, and their interactions were similar to those at the usual spot.

"Godzilla could kick the shit out of Gamera." Kikuchiyo argued.

"You're delusional, Kurosawa." Tomoko shot back.

"Whatever, Pot. I'm just stating fact."

"Glasses, what do think: Godzilla vs. Gamera, who would win?"

"I don't fucking care." Kotomi answered irately. She tried to look busy by writing on the chalkboard. So far she wrote a list of what the knew and didn't know about the Book. What they didn't know was a long list including things like: where it comes from, what is the prophecy, who or what is the Pure Evil One, how to destroy it, etc. However, the list of what they knew contained only two facts: it's pure evil, and it makes bad things happen. She continued to add on to what they didn't know with very hard almost frustrated chalk strokes.

"Geez, the hell crawled up and bit you in the ass?"

"Is everything okay, sempai?" Tomoki asked.

"Hey, how come you never call me sempai, Kuroki?" Kikuchiyo inquired.

"I call her that out of respect, Kurosawa, and frankly I have none for you."

"Uh, just think about how many times I saved your sorry ass."

"All those times are directly related to how you almost got us all killed."

Kotomi looked over to Tomoki. "I'm useful. Right?" she asked him. "I mean, I have a place on this team, right Tomoki?"

"Hey, thanks for the acknowledgment." Tomoko snarked.

'Oh god, its Tomoko's stupid therapy talks all over again!' Tomoki thought to himself as he tried to come up with an answer. "You...brought us together and you do most of the thinking, so that technically makes you leader?" he responded unsurely. By now he was hoping that the Book brought another monster to life just so he could get out of this conversation.

"You're not much in a fight, though." Kikuchiyo butted in.

"Yeah, you're like the damsel-y type. You're just not a fighter." Tomoko added.

Her comment made Kotomi pop a vein. This little shit was practically her punching bag, yet she still had the nerve to call her out like that. "And you're saying, you're more combat-capable?"

"I can think on the fly. I know how to use my brain."

Tomoko's answer forced a snicker out of both Tomoki and Kikuchiyo. She shot them both an angry look.

"I always thought I was more of the bookworm mission control-type."

"Yeah, but that can also overlap with damsel-in-distress."

"And bookworm?" Kikuchiyo interjected, "There's this thing called 'Google' that makes it to where any idiot can do your job. Even Tomoko."

"Very funny, Kettle, considering you don't even know how to text." Tomoko sneered.

"I have a mouth, Tomoko! The hell do I need texting for?"

"Yet nothing that comes out of it makes any sense!"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you are easily the dumbest person I've ever met!"

"That means so much coming from you after last week. How did trying to be a recording artist work out for you? Bet that composition software was well worth the cash."

"Piece of shit!"

"Malicious little tumor!"

The two of them jumped out of their seats and grabbed each other by the lapels spitting more curses and obscenities as they, whether consciously or unconsciously, grappled each other into the closet. Tomoki and Kotomi watched them until the cupboard door closed on them.

"They're perfect for each other." Tomoki cracked in a deadpan tone.

Banging noises accompanied by wrathful cries and blissful moans stuffed by the door.

"A-are...Are they doing what I think...?" Kotomi asked. Part of her was frustrated that those two were so shameless that they just fucked in a closet at school. The other part of her was even angrier because Tomoko really was getting more action than her.

"Probably." Tomoki answered standing up and making his way to the door. "But I'd rather not know for sure. See ya'."

He opened the door to find the corridors pitch black. Confused, he looked back at the windows to make sure it was still daylight. It was almost 5 o'clock; still plenty of sun coming through the windows into the room. How the shit were the hallways so dark? 'Goddamn it,' he thought after he realized it, 'I really need to be careful of what I wish for.'

Tomoki took a peek into the darkness. In front of him appeared a face. Although its figure was hidden in the shadows, he looked right into the whites of its round soulless eyes as it gave him a chilling cheshire-cat smile showing its blood-red gums and gritty yellow teeth.

"On second thought," Tomoki said after ducking back into the room and slamming the door, "I might stick around with you for a while."

"Really?" Kotomi almost asked, but before she could say anything, reason took after when she noticed how his eyes bugged out. "There's some terrifying Book spawn out there, huh?" she inquired instead.

"Not so much terrifying, but creepy as shit." he answered. "So I guess I'll just stay here...and listen to my sister get plowed."

For the next half hour, they were forced to listen to the explicit noises from the closet as they racked their brains for a topic of conversation to break the ice with. It was an uncomfortable and unpleasant experience for Tomoki and Kotomi. A couple of minutes after the symphony of hatred and passion ceased, Tomoko and Kikuchiyo walked out still bickering.

"You are such a nancy."

"You tried to bite my scrotum off!"

"You tried to put your whole—Oh, shit." Their argument got off when they noticed that they were not alone.

"Were...you two here the whole time?"

"Listening to us...Wow. That's creepy." Tomoko said rather smugly, "I mean I can understand Glasses being so pervy, since it's probably the most action she's gonna get. But you, little bro. Creepy."

Tomoki and Kotomi's blood boiled as they tried to restrain their anger towards the small girl while Kikuchiyo headed towards the exit. "Well, you three resolve your personal problems on your own. I'm gonna go see my own brother, toke up, listen to some Rush, complain about the other five. You know, male bonding." he said to them. When he opened the door, he paused and stared at what lay beyond. "Uh, guys? Were the hallways always pitch-black with a foreboding atmosphere that filled your very being with a sense of dread?"

"Yes." Tomoko answered, "Oh wait, you meant literally."

"Yeah, why-"

"Why do you think?" Tomoki replied.

"Aw, come on. It's almost the weekend!" Tomoko griped.

"So fucking close to a Book free week." Kikuchiyo added. "But it's just a few dark corners, doesn't seem that bad compared-" he slammed the door and looked back to the gang. "There's some sort of slasher smile floating around out there. So...There's that."

"You know, we have to get out of here at some point." Kotomi noted. All eyes slowly turned to Kikuchiyo.

"Why's everyone looking at me?"

"Well someone's gotta go first."

"But why me?"

"Because you're the psycho with the knife." Tomoko answered. "You're armed."

"So are you. You have a slingshot."

"But you're the best meatshield-Er, fighter here."

"You have a ranged weapon."

"Okay, fine we'll all go together and move as a cell."

"Fine." Tomoki and Kotomi replied.

"But you take point, Kurosawa."

"Agreed."

"Okay, fine." Kikuchiyo concurred. "But just so you know, I hate all of you."

"Dually noted." Kotomi quipped, "Now let's move."

* * *

Kimiyo Konno tried to navigate through the endless dark maze. Everywhere she turned was either another turn or a flight of stairs. All she could see in the empty blackness was what was directly in front of her. "This isn't what I wanted." she kept repeating under her breath while she panted. She had to keep moving, but there was no telling if she was running from it or running towards it. Every time she looked back, that cheshire grin followed. Yet at every other corner, there it appeared before her looking her in the eye with its blank gaze as it slowly approached her. She turned heel and ran the other way when she came face to face with "The Smile."

* * *

"We're gonna die." Kikuchiyo said as the group wandered aimlessly through the shadows.

"Shut up." Tomoki shot back. Every corner they turned, every stairway, up or down just lead to another two-way corridor going either left or right. Although they had not seen it since they left the room, it was nerve-racking trying to find their way out knowing that it was out there. Nothing they had, be it a lighter or the flashlights on their phones, was able to improve their visibility. It was like the darkness consumed whatever light they had, yet allowed them to see what was in front of them.

"We're gonna die." Tomoko repeated.

"Shut up!" Kotomi snapped. She clung to Tomoki's arm out of both genuine fear and because said fear was the perfect excuse to do so. This did nothing to calm his tense nerves.

"Just trying to say that we're kinda fuck beyond all reason." Kikuchiyo replied.

"Screwed sideways." Tomoko added.

"Just a couple bright rays of sunshine, you two." Kotomi snarked.

"What's the matter, just got this constant fear that something's always near?" Kikuchiyo teased. "Oh wait, what the fuck is that!? What the fuck is that!?"

His cries startled the rest of the gang, getting a jump and a scream from everyone. In the heat of the moment, Tomoko pulled back her sling and fired off a shot into the darkness. Kikuchiyo's laughter echoed through the infinite halls when the others found there was nothing there.

"You ass!" the others shouted furiously.

"I'm sorry." He turned to face his peers. "Oh wait, no I'm not 'cause it was too fucking—Son of a bitch!"

"Oh no," Kotomi replied, "We're not falling for that aga-"

"Sup, gang." said a fifth voice.

Tomoko, Tomoki, and Kotomi turned heel in fright. "Son of a bitch!"

In the blackness stood three figures. It was just...

"Goddamn Canadians!" Kikuchiyo cried.

"Well hello to you too, loser." Eddie greeted.

"What the hell are you doing in here? Who even let you guys in?"

"We're not that obligated to answer that." Rob answered.

"Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where you're going would you?" Tomoki asked.

"We might."

"Or we might just be strolling for leisure." said Brody.

"Could you maybe lead us out of here?" Kikuchiyo requested.

"Nope."

"Well thanks a lot, you flappy-headed maple-syrup drinking round-eyes!" he quipped aggressively. Then to Eddie he said, "Eh, no offense. Asian pride?"

"Fuck off, Imperialist Jap loser."

"Oh hey before we leave," Brody announced, "watch your back." With that, the Canadians stepped away fading into the shadows snickering and speaking to each other in English.

"You keep some interesting company, Kurosawa." Kotomi commented.

Tomoko shuddered as she stepped out from behind Kikuchiyo. "Those guys always give me the creeps."

"What do you think he meant by 'watch your back?'" Tomoki asked.

"Probably just a warn-" Kikuchiyo was cut off by a gut feeling. He drew his knife and pointed the blade outward to find himself looking into the eyes of a beautiful brown-haired girl. She stopped dead in her tracks and yelped at the sight of his weapon. Backing away slowly, she frantically whimpered and begged him not to hurt her.

Tomoko tugged at the sleeve of his blade-arm and waved her hand across her throat as a gesture to put the knife away. Tomoki stepped forth to speak to the girl. "It's alright, we're not going to hurt you. What's your name?"

"K-Kimiyo K-Konno. C-class 2...2-6." She started hyperventilating again and began rambling to herself, "It keeps following me... It always knows where I am..."

"Well, she's cracked." Tomoko said to the gang. "I say we just leave her here for whatever the hell is out there."

"We can't just leave her like this." Tomoki argued.

"Yeah," Kikuchiyo agreed, "I mean we can't just leave a cute defenseless... emotionally weakened...girl out here alone."

"Are you saying that because you think if you get her out of this she'll 'reward' you?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He hesitantly answered, "Maybe."

The rest of the gang gave exasperated yells and chastised him for his less-than-noble intentions.

"You just keep hitting new lows," Tomoki scolded, "you know that Kurosawa?"

"Aw shut up man, you were thinking the same thing!"

"I was not!"

"So you're not telling me you wouldn't totally bone that?"

"Unlike you, I am not a complete pervert! I mean, she is pretty and if things happen then maybe...we could be...friends...afterwards."

"I think Kuroki has a point here." Kotomi interjected. "If she's just going to keep babbling like that, then she's just a liability."

"Okay, now you're just agreeing with me 'cause you're jealous." Tomoko replied.

"I should have never read from that book."

The gang's huddle went dead when she said that. All eyes were on Konno now.

Tomoki slowly approached the trembling girl and asked, "What book?"

* * *

**AN: I was watching my friend play that SCP-087 game. While he babbled about to express his fear, I kept saying to him "you're gonna die, you're gonna die." I was also talking to him about how I thought I wrote myself into a corner after the last chapter. By the time he kicked me out of his house, I got the idea to write this. Didn't quite turn out the way I thought, but I think it works.**


	11. 1,000 Eyes

"I...I just wanted a place to hide." Konno explained. The group stayed on the move as it was the only way to help calm her down just enough to tell them about the Book. "It was just one of those days where nothing goes right; you have a fight with your parents, there's a misunderstanding among friends, the fact that you have to grow up just gets hammered into your head. I just needed to get away from it all, then I found this book. Then well...This happened."

"Do you happen to know what happened to the Book after that?" Tomoki asked her.

"N-no. It just...It disappeared after I read from it. Who are you people, anyway?"

"We're Bad Company." Kikuchiyo answered. "We fight evil...with mixed results."

"We never agreed on calling ourselves Bad Company." Kotomi argued.

"You're bad company, alright." Tomoki said to Kikuchiyo. "Very bad company."

"'Til the day I die." he answered with rhythmic finger snapping.

"Um...excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but weren't there four of you?"

"Yeah, there's me," Kikuchiyo responded, "Velma," he said pointing to Kotomi.

"My name is Komiyama, you stupid dick! Kotomi Komiyama!"

"Young blood," he continued pointing to Tomoki.

"Tomoki Kuroki." he corrected irately.

"And then there's his sister, the Grudge, A.K.A., Tomo-..." As he pointed her out, the group noticed that she wasn't there. "...ko."

"Where...is Tomoko?" Tomoki asked.

"She was just here...uh...Wasn't she?" Kotomi wondered.

"Tomoko is one of those people who you can't remember if she was there or not." Kikuchiyo said.

* * *

"Uh, guys?"

One of the biggest strengths of mankind is also its greatest weakness: that the human being, even Tomoko herself, is a social animal; a stick that in a pack is nigh unbreakable, but alone snaps too easily. It doesn't take much to break someone's confidence. Just a little bit of separation anxiety will discourage even the most skilled warrior or the toughest soldier, and she was the furthest from either. The smugness displayed within the gang melted the moment she strayed from them. Her feelings of isolation weakened her as her courage drained away and was filled by terror.

"Uh...G-g-guys?" she whimpered. Her voice shrank as her legs quaked in place. She heard a noise that made her pull on her slingshot and search her surroundings. The pace of her breath became faster until she found herself hyperventilating. 'Calm down, Tomoko.' she thought to herself. 'You're armed with a ranged weapon. Anything that can approach you, you can hit before it can touch you. Oh who the hell am I kidding!? It's just a fucking rubber-band and a marble! What's this gonna protect me from!?'

She heard it again. That deep distorted noise. That unearthly sound that drilled through her ears and ripped at her sanity. The more she heard it, the closer it drove her to madness. And yet, it became clearer as it continued to repeat. Whatever it was making that noise seemed to be calling her name.

"Tomoko..." it called from behind.

She snapped to the direction of the noise with her slingshot primed. Her arms shook as she tried to take a deep enough breath to relax. However, her breath stopped when she saw a pair of large red eyes staring her in the face.

The noise went off again. This time she was able to make understandable language out of it.

"Put that slingshot away, girl. We both know you're not going to use it."

She managed to utter another whimper to the voice, "W-...Wh-what m-makes you think that...th-that I won't?"

She interpreted the next sound as laughter. "Your eyes, your body, your voice. Don't be afraid, though. I am not here to hurt you. For now. We're alike, you and I."

With a gulp, she answered, "You're... you're really gonna say that...with...without showing your face?"

"Very alike." It responded followed by that horrid laugh. "You feel so alone, yet you hide in the shadows. Just like me. We could do great things together. You just need...a little push."

"G-...g-g-..." Frustration and fear overtook her all at once. These feelings forced a defiant shout to the voice, "Goddamn it, who or what are you!?"

"Do you really want to know?"

Her eyes slowly widened as a face appeared around those glowing red irises. She tried to scream, but couldn't manage even a gasp. The face was not of some disfigured Eldricht Abomination, but was completely human. It was the familiarity of it that made her blood run cold. The face let out that hellish cackling once more. Tomoko shut her eyes, pulled and fired her slingshot.

"Son of a bitch!" cried a recognizable voice. "Aw, goddamn it, my eye!"

Tomoko peeked out of one eye to find Kikuchiyo, covering his right eye, and the rest of the group.

"Fuck!" he kept shouting, "Son of a biscuit fucking...Fuck!"

While Konno tended to Kikuchiyo, Tomoki went to his sister and gave her a harsh look. It almost looked like he was trying to hide a feeling of relief behind his frustrated glare. "Tomoko, you're sixteen years old, do I really have to hold your freaking hand all the damn time?"

She cooled down and relaxed. Once again, she found herself within her safety-net of "friends." "D-do...F-figuratively or literally?" she asked.

"Both!" Then with a sigh he said, "But at least you're okay. You are, right?" He took note that she was drenched in sweat and breathing heavily.

"Y-yeah. I-...I just saw something." The image of that face faded from her memory, but the experience continued to replay in her head.

"Well...just stay close, alright? I lose enough sleep with all the crazy shit that's been happening, I don't want to have to explain to mom and dad that you got lost in a shadowy maze of Pure Evil."

"Aw," she replied after regaining her composure, "You do care for your big sister!" She moved towards him to give her little brother a mocking hug, only to have him push her away.

"Get the fuck away from me!"

"Are you okay?" Konno asked Kikuchiyo.

"Am I bleeding?"

"No, it's just a little red."

"Then I'm fine. God, I almost feel sorry for anything she actually aims for."

"You know, I never did get your name."

"Kurosawa. All you need to know."

"You're one of Kurosawa brothers?"

"Yeah." he answered with a frustrated scoff. "Obviously."

"So, you must be..."

"Yup. The guy who made 'the accident' happen.'" He drew his knife and moved up to the front of the group. "C'mon, we gotta keep moving. That fucking face is out there somewhere."

"I didn't think it was you're fault." she called to him.

He paused for a brief second then replied, "Well, you thought wrong."

At another fork in the road, Kotomi had Kikuchiyo and Tomoko check both routes. Tomoko propped herself against the wall and primed her slingshot before peeking out of the corner. She looked back at the group and gave them a thumbs-up to indicate that the hall was relatively clear. Kikuchiyo readied his blade and popped out from his corner into the next hall.

"Clear," he called out, "I guess. You know it's so fucking dark, just about anything can be hiding in these fucking halls? There could be feral cats in there, and we wouldn't know until they jumped us."

"What is it with you and cats?" Tomoki asked.

"You've obviously never been attacked by a whole pack of those fuckers!"

"Cats don't move in packs." Kotomi said.

"Well some kind of animals covered in fur with claws, short faces, tails, perked up triangular ears, and made fucking 'nyah' sounds ganged up on me one day!"

"I'm really sorry about that." Tomoki said to Konno. "He gets real irritable... like a lot. It's just easier to list the things that don't upset him."

"Oh, its fine," she answered. "He's just being cautious, that's all. I'm just glad that...thing...that Smile..." she paused to take a breath. "I'm just glad we haven't run into it yet."

The mention of The Smile made Tomoko shudder. She wasn't sure if that was what she ran into or if there was something else out there, but it gave her an idea that gave her a sense of reassurance.

"M-maybe..." She said trying to work her nerve up around the newcomer, "Maybe its trying to single us out."

"Like a predator stalking a herd," Kotmi replied, "And if any of us stray from the group..."

"The darkness is going to pick us off and fuck with us!"

"So all we gotta do to get out of here is to just stick together." Kotomi turned to Tomoki and Konno. "Got it?"

"Got it." They agreed.

"What about you, Kurosawa? You got-"

She looked over to his end to find Kikuchiyo missing. A vein popped on her forehead as she stuttered to find the words to properly express her rage.

"Oh, come one, did you really expect any better from him?" Tomoko quipped.

* * *

Kikuchiyo went ahead down his corridor. He just wanted to be sure it was completely clear. His knife was gripped tight while he kept his heels off the ground. He growled with each exhale to let himself know he was still breathing. Should he run into anything, he would either fight it or run from it. He spotted another passage to his right; he hugged the wall and peeked out of the corner and saw an old man hiding in the middle of the hall.

"Dad?" Kikuchiyo snuck out of his cover to get a better look and the figure in the shadows.

"Kikuchiyo," the old man scoffed, "Have I ever told you how much of a disappointment you are?"

"Daily." he answered flatly. There was almost no delay in his response.

"Of my seven sons, you should have grown to be the strongest. I was seventh in my line, and I surpassed all of my brothers. And yet you, you just keep mooching off of me while the world continues to pass you by. No wonder Kyuzo is my favorite. He is everything you're not. Wise, strong, disciplined, and proud. You're just a worthless flea that followed him out of the womb."

Kikuchiyo picked his nose as the old man spoke. "Uh-huh." he replied flicking a booger.

"Is anything I'm saying getting to you at all!?" his father asked frustrated, "Do you just not care what I'm saying?"

"Kinda. I mean, gets boring when after you've heard the same old shit for years."

"You're an idiot and a bottom-feeder! This is your father speaking to you, does that have any psychological impact on you whatsoever?"

"Oh trust me, I've built my share of emotional scars over the years. Not a day goes by where I think the minute I make you proud, I'm gonna slice your head off with and cry decapitation for as long as my lungs can hold. Course then I worry that in case of distress, I might keep your severed head in an ice-chest and seek advice from it only to project your verbal abuse back onto myself."

The old man stared at the boy with terrified bugged-out eyes. "Holy shit. I mean, wow. That is...Does fucked up even begin to describe that?"

"All thanks to your parenting."

"Well...uh...maybe...maybe in the end you and I aren't so different. Your rebellious spirit...or...I got nothin'."

"Trust me we're nothing alike, old man. Unlike you, I know how to use a condom. Can't be a shitty father like you if I don't become a father at all."

"Do you use them?"

"Uh...well...shut up you crusty old cock-bite!"

"So, you don't worry about impregnating that Kuroki girl you mess around with?"

"Uh...Well, should anything happen...not my problem. I mean, its her body, right?"

"Wow. You are an asshole. I'm mean seriously, you're just an irresponsible fucking prick. Maybe this won't be so difficult after all."

"The hell does that mean?"

"Kurosawa!" He heard the gang calling for him. Kikuchiyo turned his head in the direction of the noise.

"I'll take my leave now. Beware, seventh son of a seventh son."

"Wait, what!?" He snapped his head back to the old man, but his image had already faded into the darkness along with his sinister laughter. "Hey, get back here!" He then felt a sudden strike to the back of his head. "Gah, son of a bitch again!"

"Hey, asshole!" Tomoki cried. "Try to stick with the group, will ya'?"

He ignored him and turned his attention directly to Tomoko ,who was twirling her slingshot in a cocky fashion.

"Did you aim there on purpose!?"

With a smirk, she rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"Stay close to the group, Kurosawa." Kotomi ordered agitatedly. "This maze will fuck with you if it gets you alone."

"Really? That explains what just happened."

Konno and Tomoko's eyes flew open at his reply.

"What did you see?" Kotomi asked almost worried.

"Just my dad being an abusive fucktard. Nothing out of the ordinary."

Whether it was what he said or the casual way he said it, his answer couldn't help but attract concerned looks from the group.

"What the hell are you starin' at!?" he shouted. The looks of pity turned to sneers as the gang, once again, passed him off as just a jerkass. Konno, however, held out just enough sympathy to approach him.

"Are...are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, just fine. Look, I don't need anybody to feel sorry for me."

"I just wanted to know if you were okay."

"Well, do yourself a favor and don't worry about me."

"Oh...Okay then." She looked away with a sad look.

She didn't understand why, but Tomoko sneered at their exchange.

"Anyway, whatever it was I ran into," Kikuchiyo said to the rest of the group, "It went this way. So maybe we should...You know..."

"Wait, you want to follow whatever mind-fuckery is out there?" Tomoki asked.

"I figure if there's something in here stalking us, then it must know its way around."

"And if it catches on, it might lead us into a trap!"

"You got any better ideas, Kuroki!?"

"Uh, yeah I do. It involves not dying! And, again, you have almost gotten us killed plenty of times already!"

"Well remember that my gut has saved our asses just as many times, and my gut tells me to follow the creepy shadow thing lurking in the dark maze-Wow that does sound stupid when you put it like that." After an awkward pause, he added, "I'm still gonna do it. Screw you guys, I'm goin' this way."

"Kurosawa, wait!" Konno said as Kikuchiyo continued down the blackened hall. She followed him into the darkness with Tomoko close behind.

"Stupid motherfucker." the small girl cursed under her breath whilst she loaded another marble into her sling. She just knew something was going to happen, and if anybody was going to his dumb ass, it would be her.

"Tomoko!" Tomoki cried before pursuing his older sister. "Son of a bitch."

"Hey, wait! Fucking band-wagon." Kotomi scoffed as she chased after them.

* * *

**AN: The intended format for each little misadventure was two chapters per monster. But this little current arc has me a little burnt out with writer's block. That and I twisted my knee and that's had me depressed all week. And I felt like this was a good place to stop. So for now, have a plot point while I try to recover physically and reorganize myself mentally. Also, if you haven't watched Todd and the Book of Pure Evil yet, do it. It's great. **


End file.
